one tear, one gas

Guess what? This week, a lot of bloggers have made me slightly upset.

The first one was this gas bag of a lady who wrote that there is a better way of blowing off 89,000 dollars on tear gas.

From what she grumbled and made ungrateful noises, I have deduced that she has no idea whatsoever about what it takes to run a country, this beloved nation of mine. This United States of Malaise.

89,000 dollars is quite an amount I know. But it is pittance. Pittance I say. Why, a basic laptop already costs roughly 42,000 big ones you know.

Back to that tear gas incident, doesn’t she realise that I have to show who is in charge? Elementary, you know, it’s Political Science 101. Govern through fear. Wealth through greed. Porn via sex. But we will get to that later.

What is important is to do the math. And economics. You see, to keep the economics moving we have to keep it, well, moving. Let me simplify that, if you don’t spend, how are you going to buy more stuff to spend some more on? It’s like this, if you don’t have a war, how are you going to keep them weapon factories going? But we will get to that later.

What is even more important is *sigh* we must keep my, I mean our people gainfully employed. I don’t want my, I mean our overseas, I mean local tear gas producing factory grind to a stop, do I? It is just so morally wrong. In the bigger scheme of things, it is always legally right to keep people happy. I owe them that. Really.

Which brings me to this other block head. This steady fellow. He thinks there’s a conspiracy going. That we have reverted to our native language to teach Math and Science because we want to keep them, ah, mentally challenged. The true objective is to have them proficient in their mother tongue. And to protect them from communicating with bad, bad foreign people. To protect them from themselves.

Truth be told, I myself have sacrificed by sending my children overseas to be taught this useless language called “English”. My poor, poor children will then have to deal with these bad, bad foreign people. Unfortunately too, now that they know this evil language, they will have to govern those (yes, the fortunate native people) who are not so unfortunate as to learn this English. Yes, you do follow don’t you?

Better be ignorant and let us, that is my people, suffer. If I can count the tears I have shed, I and my cronies, I mean colonies, sorry coolies, oh whatever…you won’t want to be me: The One.

Sometimes, I (and soon my dynasty) have to leave my country, which is also yours, in name only of course. But more of that later.

Now where was I? Yes, travel. Very boring. Once a month, I even have to make an inconvenient detour to Switzerland to check on my…ummm, more of that later.

And then this mother of a blogger started complaining about that Peenut island’s second bridge. Who, I want to know, tell them those lies, lies, lies? One day when I get really upset, I’m going to ask some one to throw that fellow out of a window. Preferably very high up. Maybe like 14 stories up.

Oh, I have done that already.

Well, we will double it then. 28 stories.

Oh, oh I know. I will blow him up ~ starting with that wordsmith chick. Oh, I have done that already? I know, I’ll invite my darling wife to watch. Oh, I have done that already? Anyway, let’s move on to that Port Crank Free Zone…

*Ring* *Ring*

Excuse me a minute, a call from Mister Mad Hatter, my Kung Fool Si Fu.

Apparently, I have to…er…err…gee whizz, is that the time already? I have not even looked into the procurement of rubber bullets yet.

Until the next time, my beloved people and esteemed bloggers, that is until I get slightly upset again, I remain, yours sincerely: The One.