“Ur suppose(d) to buy things and spend time with kids.”

zzzzzZZZzzzz. boring one. but what to do? on with the program. as before, RED (as in angry) text is her excellency, the Lady Princess Drama Queen TingTing. black (ya right, very appropriate. funny.) is black-hearted me. BTW, VickyVoo is just my feminine side’s name. always liked that name. hmmm.

WARNING: long-winded story ahead, with the usual nasty, un-necessary diatribe, not to mention un-savoury pictures of pussies, hamsters, kittens, frogs, dogs, red guys and what-not. fortunately for you, savoury pictures can be found at my dotter’s foody site: http://carelesslittlehamster.blogspot.com/

i repeat:

Content Warning:

The blog that you are about to read and view may contain content only suitable for adults, or people who think they are adult-thinking dudes-dudettes. In general, normal people (not me, of course) do not endorse the content like this, but this here is my weBlog, so like that lah.

I UNDERSTAND AND I WISH TO CONTINUE

I DO NOT WISH TO CONTINUE

papa: When you say my mother brainwash(ed) me, do you have proof?

me: before any thing else, one correction in english, in black my addition. hey, i know this ain’t english lesson time, but what-the-hey why not? why not? as my smart-assed dot-dot loves to scream. how time flies.

i still have this vivid picture of her (about 4 – 5 i think) happily playing in that old subang airport. can even remember her while n pink polka-dotted dress (custody of children: 10 am to 8 pm on alternate saturdays only. by order of the court). divorced fathers have all the luck, huh? sigh. like that la.

ok on to brain washing, and why single mothers have even more fun:

brain wash

Main Entry:

brain·wash·ing

Pronunciation:

\ˈbrān-ˌwȯ-shiŋ, -ˌwä-\

Function:

noun

Etymology:

translation of Chinese (Beijing) xǐnǎo

Date:

1950

1 : a forcible indoctrination to induce someone to give up basic political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas 2 : persuasion by propaganda or salesmanship

— brain·wash transitive verb

— brainwash noun

— brain·wash·er noun

THE PROOF is in the eating of the pudding, as they say. and since you can’t eat yourself and i can’t eat you. well. . . i say:

girl, girl. sigh. my naive smart-ass dot-dot, you are the proof la. halleluyah. and 1,000, 000 hails to Jesus. your attitude, the way you talk-treat me. arrogantly, confidently spouting-balsting your anger to/on/at me.

sweet.

so if you ask me that’s mama’s grand plan of intentional poisoning-brain-washing kurang ajar. so dis-respectful to elders, n don’t give me the “respect has to be earned” crap. in the asian culture ways of doing stuff, no ifs or buts, you just have to respect yer old man, irrespective of what they have done. which could be all crap. but what do i know?

if had read my previous story, my dad was a gambler and stopped caring and bringing bread to the table since i was 15. which means, like father, like son? of course not. but what do i know?

i digress. dear ah ting, people asked me, “why your dotter like that one?” …must be brain-washed by that bitter mother of hers huh? hey, what do I know?

so you will repent?and be nice? i have forgiven my father. took a long, long time tho’. must be this christian faith i’m committed to now. but hey, yeah right, what do i know? let go and let God, i believe.

When you say I’m not your daughter, why don’t you dare do a DNA checkup?

DNA

Main Entry:

DNA

Pronunciation:

\ˌdē-ˌen-ˈā\

Function:

noun

Etymology:

deoxyribonucleic acid

Date:

1944

: any of various nucleic acids that are usually the molecular basis of heredity, are constructed of a double helix held together by hydrogen bonds between purine and pyrimidine bases which project inward from two chains containing alternate links of deoxyribose and phosphate, and that in eukaryotes are localized chiefly in cell nuclei.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/DNA

the current certified lab test for DNA testing comes up to RM1,500 a pop, dahlink. is amount of paper money worth it? unfortunately, i have the excuse of crying “i’m poor!”. i’m now in the AKPK Debt Management Program (DMP) and i’m like, broke. may be later. but what for la?

u my biological dotter, not my biological dotter, do i really want to know? u the regular frog, i the toad, hmmm. and when i find out about the truth? what then? i’ve already invested quite a huge, giga-byte-enormous chunk of my life (and heart, yeah believe it Gothic chick) on you, not to mention 819 words just on replying this all-important, life-threatening question. but then again, why not?

alas, that would be the ultimate proof eh? okay then sport, let’s do it. but later when i can scrape together the loot. you’ll have to ask permission as well tho’. so better wait till you are 21, of age, and be able to do what you bloody like without being brain-washed to do this or that.

so, like that la.

ting2 answers: “…who you calling a slut?” “…grand daddy-o suicide”

June 25, 2009

ah. so. back to the regular program. as before, red (as in angry) text is hers. black (ya, very appropriate. funny.) is me.

WARNING: long-winded story ahead, with some nasty diatribe, not to mention yucky pictures of dogs, doggy positions and what-not.

When you call my mother a slut who sleeps with every married man, do you mean it?

slut

slut

Pronunciation:

\ˈslət\

Function:

noun

Etymology:

Middle English slutte

Date:

15th century

1 chiefly British : a slovenly woman2 a: a promiscuous woman ; especially : prostitute b: a saucy girl : minx

— slut·tish \ˈslə-tish\ adjective

— slut·tish·ly adverb

— slut·tish·ness noun

— slut·ty \ˈslə-tē\ adjective

SOURCE = http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/slut

FORTUNATELY, your ma, did not allegedly sleep with every available man. she, however, according to an unknown source, slept with a man, committing adultery.

let me eleaborate.

some time in the 80’s, even before you came, screaming and kicking into this cruel world, i got a shocking phone call. it was her co-worker (or maybe the man’s wife). she may be jealous, envious, malicious, whatever. but she called me to inform me that if i were to ask your ma “where her handbag was” on that fateful day, she would not be able to know.

apparently, her handbag was at this man’s house. that man was her NST boss at the time. now, that’s proof eh?

but, being the young, naive, trusting idiot i was at the time i never did ask her. now, that’s foolishness, eh?

it was a seed of doubt planted, anyway. this doubt was awakened many years later when suddenly this ex-wife, your current ma, left me. YES, she abandoned me. she served me divorce papers. to add salt to the wond, it was the great depression of the asian downturn 90’s.

and i was jobless to boot. she kicked me out of the matrimonial bedroom. i was relegated to sleep in the back bedroom. you know, the one you all are renting out? ya, that miserable one.

so, every night, you, your ker ker (brother) was locked in with her in the master bedroom. sweet.

that moment of divorce date was pre-planned of course. your maternal grand dad died. and since your mah did not want to kill him with a divorce, she can now do it after he kicked the bucket. which, elegantly, brings us to the question of:

When you call my grandmother a murderer, do you mean it?

OF COURSE, i meant it. but, apparently it was not, as they say, un-intentional. ask the tua chee, your tua ee, she’ll swear on her balding head, it was INDEED un-intentional. did u also know that yr maternal grand daddy is a, DEEP BREATH, ah long? anyway, i digress.

well, the mister senior tan was like becoming a burden to the old wife you see, he had heart problems, was diabetic, but most IMPORTANTly, he was stealing time from her wife. she was totally obliged to play with her mahjong kaki (mahjong members). and, he knew it too. and he complained miserably that it’s better he committed you-know-what.

now, it so happened that un-intentionaly, a bottle of sleeping pills were placed in a drawer. but, of course, every family will swear, with hands on heart, that they know that he doesn’t know about that.

so one day, the senior tan did the nasty.

“oh no, how come he took so many sleeping pills?” on discovering it, the family member (i do not know who discovered him dead first) cries. so, like that lah. don’t know true or not also. but like that lah.

oooh, a comment

June 25, 2009

hallo there, INCOMINGGGG. little ting ting my fave dotter is a little upset. looks like it’s time to walk the talk. looks like i have to engage. red text is hers. black (ya, very appropriate. funny.) is me.

careless little hamster says:

I have questions for you.
When you say I am a whore, do you really mean it?

¹whore

Pronunciation:

\ˈhȯr, ˈhu̇r\

Function:

noun

Etymology:

Middle English hore, from Old English hōre; akin to Old Norse hōra whore, hōrr adulterer, Latin carus dear — more at charity

Date:

before 12th century

1: a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : prostitute ; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman

2: a male who engages in sexual acts for money

3: a venal or unscrupulous person

SOURCE —- http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/whore

DEAR teenager-dotter-of-mine, to answer you this question(s) i’ll have to ask you other questions. are you 1: a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : prostitute? are you a promiscuous or immoral woman? are you 2: a male who engages in sexual acts for money? are you 3: a venal or unscrupulous person?

well, now if you are not, then you are not. but a cam whore? what’s that? that’s a new term to me. cam whores revel in taking REVEALING pictures of themselves. key word is “revealing”. so my dear ah ting, you are not even a genuine cam whore chick! so like that lah.

COMMERCIAL BREAK: on my right, a self-taking-picture-taking pose of a so-called cam whore. IF you really, really want to view the real eeeauuuw, HARD stuff, you can go to gorge yourself in my nasty, perverted, dirty-old-man site at: http://kahongkhoo.blogspot.com/

death in the family {part 1}

June 25, 2009

in the year of our Lord 2009, on the eleventh of November (which happened to be my kiki, step dotter’s birthday, my dad (born jan 06, 1925) kicked the bucket.

yeah, he died. ya hah, bit the bullet.

phew.

now why phew? well, he was err..an interesting papa, to put it rather kindly. he was a passionate gambler. first, horse racing. then, 4D, 3D, ToTo, magnum (not the gun). and like all gamblers, he ran out of moolah. yes, money.

so he stopped paying upkeep money to ma. luckily i had only one other sibling. anyway, no money means err… no money. so at an important stage in my life, FORM 3, when i was about to sit for my LCE (Lower Certificate of Education) our family was afflicted with ONE LESS bread winner. bummer, right?

Well, on hindsight, well, on second thoughts, not really. but at the time, major, moher fucking catastrophe {BiG word}. Cos dear mummy had a proper job. she was a {ANOTHER BiG word} banker (yay). back then, in the 60’s it was a big deal indeed. female, and a career as a bank officer at a reputed bank. UMBC (United Malayan Banking Corporation, now defunct, taken over by Bank Bumi now CMIB, or was it RHB? hmmm) was the bank she worked in. the branch was in Campbell Street, that would be in PENANG, PEARL OF THE ORIENT.

she was very popular, my ma, not the island of penang. my ma was popularly known as “miss teh” even though she was married to a mister voo (okay, breathe, name is not real – the “voo” family name – to protect his err.. reputation, face).

COMMERCIAL BREAK: Picture above, on your right, would be my pa’s 3-day WAKE which was held in IPOH. my home town, my so-called kampung, was in penang but my parents’ friends began dropping OFF like flies and soon they only had each other to quarrel with…so they uprooted to ipoh where most of my ma’s relatives were.

at that time, my ma’s number one bro was still alive. her #1 sis had not contracted alzehmar’s disease yet.

so like that lah.

LUNCH BREAK. ahh, what to eat aah? never mind, continue with part 2.

(part 1, already 384 words, so ciong heh, long-winded, but hey this is weBlog right, and this wordpress fleh, fella, more inspiring to write in than my other site http://koodiamond.blogspot.com/)

late morning 11:50

June 25, 2009

hmmm…who shall i harass next ha? sample:“You still care about my birthday one ar? Thought you think I’m some random married man’s daughter? Since when you ever cared for anyone except yourself? ask god. He’ll tell you the same thing.”

sweet, huh? and so, amen

dotter of mine #2

June 24, 2009

the father or mother must un-load all his-her money on his-her procreation(s).

the dotter has spoken.

fine. excellent. any thing la. so be it. amen. and i quote: “Ur suppose(d) to buy things and spend time with kids.”

hello amber

June 24, 2009

wannabe amber-ly and amber the chia

13 June 2009 14:29

“…Eleh. You? Poor? Very funny. Anything la. Ur a dad what. Ur suppose to buy things and spend time with kids.”