SO-CALLED ANSWERS FOR MY DOTTER:

2030, June 25, 2009

ASS before, RED (as in angry) text is her excellency TingTing’s questions. black would be mine. may you be reminded that VickyVoo is just my feminine side’s name. so i’m a regular dude hiding behind a silly girl’s pseudonym.

WARNING: sob story ahead, with the usual selfish, one-sided, nasty, un-necessary diatribe, not to mention un-savoury pictures of red guys and what-have-you. fortunately for you, savoury pictures can be found at my dotter’s foody site: http://carelesslittlehamster.blogspot.com/

meanwhile, un-savoury meals and eye candy can be had at: http://kahongkhoo.blogspot.com/

i repeat:

Content Warning:

The blog that you are about to read and view may contain content only suitable for adults, or people who think they are adult-thinking dudes-dudettes. In general, normal people (not me, of course) do not endorse the content like this, but this here is my weBlog, so like that lah.

When I ask for allowance, do I force the hell out of you even when you say you can only give me this much?

No. You no need allowance. When your mah packed you off to Ipoh, she gave you a laughable allowance of five miserable bucks. So generous! So laughable. So she doesn’t trust you with money izzit? You don’t need much is it? And watch your language young lady.

The brain-washed program is working. Good work, Ma Witch.

When I ask you to buy something, do I made a scene to the whole world until you are forced to buy it?

You’ll be surprised! Every frigging time I go visit Miss control-freak Ma Witch’s Zoo to take out the little hamster for airing…

It’s like one mad rush, cos the curfew ends at 8 o’clock you see.

First, a quick trip to the pharmacy to stock up/replenish supplies for repairing the face. And Ma Witch uses that too, thank you very much.

Then, it’s on to…what’s on the laundry list. Dancing shoes? (remember the branded RM200, and that’s discouted, Nike that the dead-beat daddy bought for you?)

Bags? (remember that time when we had to trek onto the other side of town to get you a Mickey Mouse branded bag? yeah, RM100++ frigging silly bag. Cute.)

Wallet (rememeber the what’s-the-name wallet?)?

Bra, maybe (remember the ones that grandma Amber bought for you? You were wearing hand-me-downs… euuww)?

How about a nice bikini (remember the set I got ya at The Curve?)?

New hand phone maybe? (remember: this would be your third sony-ericsson right)

How about buying me my third camera? (you lost one in school; second one: hi-jacked dad’s, then dropped and oh, poor me, I dropped it, buy me another?)

Hallo, no need to make scene, your Santa-guilt-ridden daddy-o is so complying. Just a quick swipe of the plastic. There, done. Spoilt dotter forget easily. But I should understand; I’m a brat myself being the youngest, only son ~ so my mom spoils me silly.

Alas, the free spending has, thankfully, caught up with him. So now, near-bankrupt. But the cute hamster refuses to believe that lie.

So, it’s an awakening for me as well. But…

Hey, nice work, Herr Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

COMMERCIAL BREAK. [GOES OFF EOR A QUICK PEE. AND A CUPPA OF MILO. HEY, SKIPPED LUNCH FOR QUESTION TIME YOU KNOW. BRB.]

Do I even buy as much things as Paris Hilton?

Hey, if your sugar has as much money as Mr. Hilton, you must! And I insist!

Hey, nice work, Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is washing, washing, working.
Did I buy a RM25 tube top from the flea market @ Curve or a RM89 from Roxy or RM499 from Dolce and Gabanna?

Again, the thang is, you bought. It’s still money kiddo. More about this later, but kiki had to literally beg to get a RM20 shorts off me. But her ma paid tho’.

BUT, whatever it is, nice work, Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

Do you ever show me that you are worth loving?

Wahhhhhhhhhh lao, all that money wasted on the Royal Highness and I’m not worth fuck-all? Oh dear. I thought money=love. Hey, that’s what my ma taught me, i mean bought me with, . It worked. I love my silly mom un-conditionally. Now, i have to give back the million-dollar overseas degree she bought me. Dang.

Hallo, Princess, grow up already. Nobody’s ever worth loving! It’s not maths. It’s not a scientific thing. How, in hell, do you measure or figure out IF that particular person is ever “worth” or worthy enough to be loved.

Duh. Honestly!

Listen, up to today, my only sis is STILL jealous of me being the fave spoilt brat. Yes, even when my dear mom picks up some delicacy for me. She gets frigging, hopping-mad jealous! Fried my mom, she did. That happened like only 3 months ago. And she’s already 53 years old.

Now am I worth loving, as her brother? Well, I still believe she has a spot for me. Altho’ we did stop talking to each other for millions of years. Like millions.

So like this: no need to “find” the “worth” to be loved. Just love. If not, no need. It’s not required.

Hey nice work, Ma Witch. The brain-washing love program is working, working, working.

Does fathers say nasty things to their daughters?

Do dotters say nasty things to fathers? Sure la. We’re family. Any thing goes. It’s all un-conditional love. No matter what crap happens, the love is always there. Unlike wives-husbands, bf-gf, blood is always thicker than water.

But really, as a rule, dotters should not be kurang ajar and scream at their daddies. The reason is that most doting daddies are incredibly stupid. From my own experience, I know God has made them this way. Or else, who will take all this crap?

Gentle reader(s), look what’s happening here, right before your beautiful eyes.

All I can say is: Hey, nice work, Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

Have you ever cared when I am late for my mother’s curfew?

WTF. You terrified, your issue. It’s my court-appointed day. Who the fook cares about that control-feak? So like this, we stop going out, no need for curfew. Done deal.

Hey, nice work, Herr Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

Why did you break my sibling’s promises?

So-called promise 1: Your brother wanted a RM4,000 lap top. I couldn’t afford it. so, hu hu hu I broke my promise. Bad Daddy. So, he punishes me by sulking and not talking to me. Nice.

So-called promise 2: I loaned your sister my BMW 323i for a while. I lost my job. I need to sell that second car. I took it back. Dead beat Daddy, can’t even hold down a job.

Well, at least, Su Yin had the courtesy and good manners to visit me at my chicken-shack-of-a-home when she was back on holiday. Well, only once.

But anyway, all the so-called broken promises make delicious brain-washing material to use, don’t you think? Yummy.

Hey, nice work, Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

Why did you even agree when you know you cannot do it?

Hey, life’s like that. when it the shit hits the fan, you just deal it the best you can. Are there any other big promise(s) I missed out on them?

Call them excuses but that’s how the cookie crumbles. Tough shit.

But nevertheless, wonderful work, Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

Why didn’t you come to see me when you promised to?

Sigh. Because I am now resigned to the fact that, heart-wrenching as it is for me, it’s too much hassle you know. The pressure of the curfew time (GO BACK, GO BACK OR MY MA WILL KILL ME. And we get back, she’s not even frigging home, for crying out loud).

Then there’s my fucking financial situation – you know, no money to spend on you, nanti I won’t be worth loving. All that, plus I love you too much, nanti, hurt you also, this cannot buy, that cannot buy, how lah?

Plus, your grandma amber and her ugly dotters do not want to tag along any more. So, when I finally drop you off, I’ll be driving home alone. All by myself. And it’ll be too sad for me. And I’ll pity myself. And it’s poor lonesome me. Deja vu, like last time. Sob, sob. And I can’t stand that. And have you ever seen a grown man cry?

And some more hor, I so stingy, I thought, one journey (it’s RM6.00+ toll alone, plus petrol, parking leh!) can kau tim liao. Take the gang, every one out. Whole blended family happy, happy. So you understand? That’s why.

So, hats off to Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

Do you know I waited for half a day outside for you?

Ha? When? You mean when you were young? IF that time, easy to expalin la, still suffering from the break-up, traumatic divorce proceedings. Did you know I was cheated from the settlement?

I had to pay like 24 months advance child support payment. Bet you didn’t know that piece of shit, right?

I spent the half time crying, thinking whatever happened to my daddy..?

Apologies. Haiz. Not worth loving. Cry for what?

Why didn’t you call to tell me you cannot come?

Again, can’t remember which “time” that was. You could also call whaaat, reserve all your pre-paid credit for your friends izzit?

IF you are talking about that one time I failed to come (when you like 8?), your ma did call and then I came, if I can remember…dunno, you tell me.

You said you want to teach me more on what you know best. And it can improve my blog. Did that ever happened?

THEN, you shall beg your Witch Ma to let me have you for a couple of weekends. Hallo, logistics-wise, how in heaven’s name do you think I can do that?

Look, if you are prepared to camp at my place, say I pick you up after work on Fryday (easier to fry you kao kao) after work (cos it’s near me, and saves me toll n 1 extra journey), then you stay for the night till Satuday AND Saturday night cos can’t teach u nothing on Friday night, and maybe we can have Saturday n Saturday night to bond, and learn shit, it just may work.

But damn, Saturday u have dancing class right?

Or maybe after your Sat class i pick u up, then we hv sat night n whole of sunday. still too little time, but could be a start, what do u think?

So dear girl, it’s now time to brain-washing, brain-washing that Ma Witch. So i’ll be praying feverishly that your little brain-washing program will be working, working, working. Amen.

I was so freaking excited. Yet, it never came.

Hey, chill la. What’s there to be excited about? You’ll go home empty-handed. And we’ll be fighting all da way there and back. And continue on voovicky.wordpress.com

Sigh, you ah.

I still remember all the scratch wounds you inflicted on my left arm. All your finger nail marks. Adoi, sakit nyaaa.

So, like that la.

Praying. Praying.

When you’re asked to pay maintenance fees, why didn’t you?

Well, 2 reasonable reasons, really.

1. What the fuck for?

AND:

2. Because I don’t want to. Can’t trust that biatch maaan. Will be major wondering and worrying where my hard-earned blood-sweat-tears money will be spent on. On the car for the un-grateful son? On her boy friend?

Yeah, I’m STILL bitter. Mother-fucking-in-yer-face-damn-you-to-hell kind of bitter.

AND:

To put it gently, STILL fucking mad.

However, by the grace of God, I’ve forgiven her. Because, maybe, i was “bad” husband, poor milking-machine. Generally i was a prick, a sor-lan. I’m really, really not worth to be loved, so good for her, she can now have a wonderful life full of…whatever.

Why do you think my mother is so rich?

Hey, this one, only an adult can figure it out. The nice thing to say will be, she’s oh-so-prudent with her money. She worked so hard la. Saved every cent la.

The other not-s0-nice thing to say is that her old sugar daddy, remember that man i whispered to u about? Well, he’s married n he can’t divorce her wife, but he can force yr witchy-bitchy ma to abandon her dead-beat, useless husband, see?

And her reward is, well, side income. And, of course, she’s well-trained in laying on the guilt and brain washing.

Go figure la. Money to re-tile entire roof la. New kitchen cabinets la. Indon maid la. PCs la. Overseas education for 2 kids. And now new car la.

All from the renting the back room?

Waaa, like that i oso want oh. but who wants a has-been gigolo?Pity she’s still as stingy as me ~ u still don’t hv astro right? And no playstation? Never, u hv less distractions, can study hard. Can become “successful” like her. Cue *witchy-bitchy laugh*.

Hey, Ma Witch: The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

If she is so filthy rich, you think I will ask things from you?

Hey, the Ma Witch brain-washing program is working, working, working. Why spend all da slut-gotten-money on stupiak, naive princess dotter? Try to suck some from the useless pa la. Worth a try ain’t it?

Well, this dude has already woken up. Just playing along all along. Eversince you have been so “nice” with me, i figured, aiyaaa why bother…cut off all ties la.

BUT, like i said, u r still my dotter luu, quite impossible not to forget you. Remember the airport playground? and many more. so many happy memories of u. but u were young ma. so innocent. and stupid, like me.

and that’s why, my dear sweet su ting, i’m just un-ashamedly pouring out my heart out here, all my love n feelings. like any dad would (and u went to pulau ketam on father’s day n didn’t even sms me f day wishes. right, off with the pre-paid allowance! *kidding*)

So, like that la.

If she’s so filthy rich, I wouldn’t ask a single thing from you and will just spend time with you.

Yeah, right. You are still too sweet and innocent. One fine day, you’ll grow up and hey, lookee here: what a slut of a mummy i have…

Again: Hey, nice work, Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

Why do you always emphasize on MONEY when it comes to Su Ting, your daughter?

BEcause your control-freak Ma Witch makes it so. You are her glorious product! The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

When I tell you, I’m obedient when told, disciplined when needed, do you even say.. WOW.. Really meh? Or something? You only cared about the other 2 anyway. So why bother telling you anymore?

Why r u wasting yr precious time being jealous? Honestly.

IF i never had any child, i would love them like my very own dotters, but we know better right?

So, i don’t want to say too much, nanti hurt their feelings. I’m so bad, you know, hear it from kiki’s mouth or yr granny amber, so “pin sum“, i only consider you as my true dotter.

Of course, i always praise you to them, so obedient la (cos of fierce witch ma i guess), so good in english la, computer la, blogging la, cam whoring la, so many bfs la, so smart la (but of course cannot compare to su yin, she’s lagi genius, no?).

So, to me u r the max, this la, that la. Of course cannot praise u in front of them la, siow ah? nanti, yr head swell until burst, how?

{Oooops, just revealed the secret to keeping the animals in line.}

What do you think I feel when your wife tells me I have so much flaws unlike her daughter?

Aiyaa. Same old, same old la. To me, kiki has lagi teruk flaws than you. What do you think how kiki will feel when i compare her flaws with yours? Her ambition is to be a doctor wor. IMHO, with her level of intelligence, but more imprtantly, her attitude ~ dream on la.

How do you think i feel when my wife tells me that i’m too terrified to discipline u? She thinks i’m letting u off easy. Every also can. u can do no wrong. do u know the shelling i got from her cos, on a careless whim, i bought u a 600-buck HP? then a camera? then, gave u my own camera after u lost it? now, u want a third camera?

well, i was quite prepared to give u my present Canon IXUS, but after the way u blasted me, i figured, hey hang on, u don’t give a fuck what happens to me anyway so wtf, be selfish for once.

so, like that la.

Why does she want me to call her mummy when I have my own mother?

Hallo, no need to get your panties in a twist la. Call her grand ma or amber or eh, whatever. i know it’s embarrassing in a blended family like ours. kiki is comfortable calline “ah bee” ~ her own term, while ah man dah calls me “pa”. maybe, the little one finds it easy cos she knew me from when she was little.

but we have to keep to “uncle” in front of amber’s ma, their granny, tho’.

so, like dat la.

Is the Ma Witch brain-washing program is working, working, working on this issue too?

The other 3 girls and I are totally different. Is it such a bad thing to only want to spend time with you?

You got it. You are so sickenly nice that now the 3 girls will allow us to be together. they do not want to play tag every time we go on an outing. it’s quite de-meaning. every body has to follow the brain-washed hamster to tick all the boxes in her laundry list.

IF u were them, u too will be upset.

But, anyway, nice work, Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

Yes, we may be different from when I was younger. WHEN you came almost every weekend. I said almost. Back then, you still spent a lot on me. Tell me, what changed? It’s because you seldom come anymore. You have 2 other stepdaughters to spoil, why spoil me? Right?

Wrong.

Confession: I don’t spoil them. Amber does. Ask them one day. I’m the most terrible step-dad to them. Totally un- nice work. When i’m home on weekends, they hog the TV, so i’m banished to play puter game (evony.com is the current favourite, thinking of DotA but need to borrow your warcraft III i guess, tried to download a free demo, but it took 8 hrs, n only 4% loaded, must be my cacat RM60 TM low-end line).

the other major project i do is change my discus fish water. i don’t go super-marketing, marketing, shopping, mall cruising, movie-watching cos being poor sucks n man, i hate watching money being spent. hallo, the dots still gotta eat, right?

not forgetting, i have to share my mother’s medical bills n up-keep with my sis.

u should call her (your granny, who loves you even more than i do, if that’s possible lol) some time n ask about her broken spine [so drama] one day, she’ll tell u such stories. u can ask her to return call tho’ she’s got this super saver time gold card.

BTW, the ma-witch hates my ma big time, go ask her. err, may be not.

Well guess what? I don’t need you. I just want to spend some time with you. And yes, I spend a lot. It’s genes . You spend as much. You spend on cars, dogs, fishes and dirt bikes last time. NO? Those are your hobbies. Mine are being vain, wearing pretty dresses, dancing and taking pictures. Wow. I’m starting to think, I spend way less than you.

Well, i was a brat, still am. i was also a prima donna, drama queen (ah haa, u may just be my real dot after all) n i earned big bucks easily then. plus, altho’ major brat, never had money to spend cos my dad big-time gambler, see.

so, kept on changing cars. but being stupid, the then-so-called wife usually gets to drive the better wheels. once, i even convinced myself i have to own a merc b4 i die, so i acquired a MB 190E. guess who drove it? ya, ma-witch.

don’t know why u r so obsessed with “need you” n “worthy to be loved” crap. maybe cos u r sixteen i guess. let me tell u something. when u die, u die alone. so. just let go and let God. the only one u need, worthy to be loved and can reliably rely on.

yeah, nice work, Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

I don’t need to buy so much clothes anymore as I gotta wait till CNY to wear it.

YOU n your clothes. how girly. kiki also. amanda n amber too. don’t get it. girls=clothes.

but for guys, other hobbies like cars, dogs, fishes and dirt bikes . . . dan lain lain lagi… fortunately for me, it’s not whoring, keeping mistresses, boozing, smoking, gambling, hi-fi-ing, camera-ing, stamp-collecting dan many more boys’ toys huh?

All I need is just lunch or dinner. Or movie tickets.

Not forgetting, umm, may be a laptop would do nicely too. And how about that lovely camera in the shop window? ok? ha? ha? hah? ok? please, please. pretty please. ok last time i ask for any thing. promise.

yeah, right.

Hey, nice work, Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is working, working, working.

i wanna watch transformers II on da big screen. n ice age 3. (missed “wall-e” but it’s coming on disney channel on astro in july, wanna watch? come over to my place.)

Yes, because I have a thing for photography, I want a better camera. But you can’t afford one for me. What can I say right?

Can buy you one la, i suppose, die die, also can squeeze RM499 for an olympus i guess. sigh. but u don’t need me, so no need la, i’m only needed when i can supply you with toys. so, conclusion, no need already. whew, praise the Lord.

May i take this opportunity to complement your nice work Ma Witch. The brain-washing program is working, working, working just as planned.

I don’t need another phone. Unless you have another free one.

In fact, at present, i have several. Amber’s very well-used and abused nokia. one sony. one HP iPAQ. one panasonic. one siemen. one french-made i forget the name. another samsung. some were free gifts from the credit cards (which now i don’t have. sob.)

Hmm. What else do I spend on? Oh yeahh.. BOOKS. Hey. Its a good thing I read okay.

You know i’m so mighty proud you are so proficient in English. Not to mention Mandarin. me da banana, yellow outside white inside. well, at least know my mother tongue of Hokkien. barely tho’.

the one, whom we shall not mention, who has the ambition to be a doctor, well, she just watches TV 24/7, MV from You Tube, during wk ends, never see her pick up a “medical” book even. and here’s a secret, her biological pa even bought her a med dictionary, but i’m supposed not to know, ok? ha ha. sigh.

Now that is really nice work, Ma Witch. At least you are now a piece of art huh? The brain-washing program is not so working, working, working now.

No, I don’t think you even want to care about that.

*paaaaaaaaak* wrong. i’m proud. mighthy proud. so how many more years before i can give you away? wa ka ka.

Wasting my time typing right? But it’s okay. At least I said SOMETHING.

Hey, nice work. At least you possess a cute brain to throw a frigging spanner into the ma-witch brain-washing program to render it from farking@%&*4$% working, working, working. Nice. Really nice.

Like father, like errr dotter, i guess.

If you think posting all these will make me feel embarrassed or anything, well, sorry to break your damn tough heart, it’s not working. It just makes me wish I could tell the world about everything between you and my family.

Hey, tell la. What’s there to hide? Guess who will be the most embarassed. Hallo, what industry am i in? The mother-fucking-spinning advertising industry, where we tell, i mean manufacture, i mean spin, i mean believe the truth. Honest. Where truth is well told. Only, we save the lies to oursleves. Spinning. Spinning. HEY, WE DA MASTER truth-tellers girl! where u been?

now, your ma-bitch, i mean witch, she works in the MSM (Main Stream Media), she has to report the “real”, factual news, or her newspaper will get sued to kingdom come plus the newspaper will lose its licence to print. in other words, bungkus, gulung tikar. but like us, they also can withold truth and print what they want. but we are now going into touchy, delicate areas so i better shut the fuck up.

now about that touchy-feely, achy-breaky, heart-breaking bit? ya, cliche as it may sound, sudah pecah, broken, shattered like a long, long time ago.

thank God, this tired old heart of mine can always be healed and mended. how about yours?

but still that Ma Witch brain-washing program is working, working, working. hey, ask her to give it up already – un-chain your chains, you da big girl now.

Wow. That’s a lot that I wrote. Hope you actually read them.. /: I ain’t fighting with you here. No need to get defensive to protect yourself or whatever. I don’t even want to know the answers. I know it hurts 10 times more than not knowing the excuses/reasons you are going to give.

of all the excuses-reasons i have spun and/or given so faaaaar, you know, in your hearts of hearts, i will never stop loving you cos i raised you (for a few years at least) and that un-broken cord is still attached k?

it’s the bonding la. n you are kinda cute. which reminds me of su yin. she was dang ugly, well, “kiap see” (polite Hokkien for “urggh, your looks suck”). she was bald for a whole year. and yet i loved her so much cos she was our first baby.

but you, well, you are frigging pretty n photogenic to boot. n funky too. she’s quiet u r chatty, well talkative, umm, motor mouth, well annoyingly noisy. still. the most wonderful of wonderful.

ARE you still reading this crap? good God, get a life dotter.

and STILL the bitch-witch-mabrain-washing program is working, working, working.

Dear, dear amberly koo, a million heart-felt thank you. Anymore/other questions? Whew, never knew you had so many, many shocking, angry questions in you. Well, at least now i know WHY you were like THAT. all bottled up and ready to explode.

maaaan, i’m glad i had this chat with you. altho’ the whole fooking www can also read this crap right out here. haiz. sigh. nothing’s sacred any more. TRANSPARENCY.

hey, here’s a thought, ask your precious, phoenix-like ma-tha to throw in her 2-cents defence-rationale in here as well.

REMEMBER, she was the one who left me, i didn’t leave her. so think la, why, why, why? AND she was the one who came to “get” me the moment i landed back in penang from united kingdom. my friends even did not want to give her my uk address. now i know why.

and then hor, i niavely tot asian women will always stick with their hubbies thru thick n thin or else. if i had known then what i know now i would have married a white chick. haiz.

but then there would be no you.

so NOW we understand each other, or pretend to…let’s be civil.

{and don’t let me start to tell you about the time that Bi-Wi-Ma got her BF to throw me into the slammer. yeah, the lock-up. the fucking jail. how my mom cried. now, that would be a story to tell huh? later, k?}

like that lah. God bless you my child.