1. You don't believe izzit?
2. Well, it's true!
3. THIS is how it went:
4. I needed a bike to get into opis early.
So I, we discussed.
5. AFTER much arguing, hoo-ing, haa-ing, begging (oh yeah believe it), she finally relented with, "...IF a bike can make u satisfied, go get it lahhh..."
6. Woo hoo. so off i went and plonked down 800 buckaroos for a 23,800 kawasaki klx 250. WOO HOOO.
7. Uh...NOT so fast my boyo.
8. Yep, true to form..she changed her mind
. Standard, typical screamer: "You don't understand me lah, after 10 years with you...you still d
on't understand me, ya dah ya dah...blah, blah.
9. So no bike. Or no marriage.
10. THAT WAS WHEN I FELT A COLD, SHARP PAIN DOWN UNDER. THAT WAS WHEN I FELT A NEAT, CLEAN SLICE OFF MY BALLS.
11. THE picture u see here is NOT my wife, she is the witch sista. SHe made me a foul pack of: "IF i hv a bike i kenot marry her sister!"
12. Dei THAT was yonks ago lah. Now, baby also cum out oredi. See da ugly pug. Ya da botak, pig-eyed smiling boy. THAT was our creation. Now can die happy liao kwaaah? So can buy bike and kill myself kwah? Just top up da accid
ent insurance if scared i'll die loh. I ONI scared half dead, like paralysed or some thing awful.
13. BUT here's da thing. ah, I've forgotten here's the thing.
14. OK just remembered "here's the thing".
15. Da ball-less man (am i still one?) xchanged me bike for a dog. On one fateful saturday (last week) i happily decided to get a pet dog (well, another pet dog, i oredi own a bulldogggie). Well, I wanted a lap dog yeah? Uh...a lap dancer would be even better, but since i'm no longer a man...you see my dilemma?
16. Anyway, moving on...i told my step dotters (u see those two giggling kiaps up there with the idiotic baby? yeah, that's them)
about my idea and off i went. Mid way to pet shop, wife calls up.
17. Yeah, yeah. Standard screamer. No bloody way you gonna get another dog! u know who will have to clean up after u. Look at your MoMo (that's the bully doggie woggie - now at least 10 yrs old, an old man by human standards!), look at how poorly he's being treated!
18. POORly treated? Oi, he's on lamb kibbles ya? THAT's $160 a bag woman1
19. MORE screaming.
20. EVEN more.
21. So i made a U turn home.
22. Sunday rolls along, she makes a deal. No bike, yes dog. Fuck, what the hell. already ball-less...take deal lah.
23. So now i own a miniature Schnauzer. All $1,800 of hi
m (was listed as $2,400, but motormouth me sweet talked ah choong to let him go at a slightly discounted price. That's 600 dollars off, some discount huh?). IF u want a cutie pie loved-to-death pet dog u can gib him a tinkle.
24. HERE's my shameless plug for my new pet friend: cHoonG 016 666 6939 or +603 7710 3393 (UpTown Pets Centre). Ask him to show you the big surgical scar down his chest. Awesome maan. THAt was when he was cut up after he met with a little car accident with a trailer lorry. BTW, he only do dogs. No hamsters, cats, guinea pigs, hedgehogs, rabbits. He has a grooming joint upstairs as well. And of course hotel for dogs. 50 bucks a day tho, not the usual 25 charge like ordinary kennels. Well, i guess he's entitled to. He feeds the boarders premium food n he lets them out of th
e cages for a run every day. So...do call him if u need a companion who won't cut off your balls (even after u marry them).
25. And, on that happy note, i leave you to lick your wounds n consider carefully before you even start to think of that mid-life crisis Harley.
26. Har Har. have a good, productive week. :)
27. ON THE RIGHT IS A WOMAN YOU BETTER NOT MESS WITH. CHOP, CHOP. SLICE, SLICE. OFF WITH DA BALLs!
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