60 reaSONS

60 Reasons It's Great To Be A Woman

1. Every guy who ever dumped you will die first.
2. You're not compelled to save the universe.
3. No performance anxiety ... ever. In fact, the worse you are in bed,the better your reputation.
4. Never have to call Sy Sperling; your forehead remains the same size forever.
5. Don't have to knock yourself out ... the less you do for guys, the better they treat you.
6. No one gives a damn what you do for a living. If a guy wants you, you could work in a slaughterhouse, for all he cares.
7. Never have to know where you are or where you're going; some guy will always give you directions.
8. You can wear dresses or pants ... no one questions your sexual preference.
9. No suits in summer.
10. Tank tops OK in restaurants.
11. No clearing your throat at sad movies.
12. He will NEVER know how many times you faked it.
13. Your sex drive goes off the chart after 40; younger men LOVE you.
14. A picture of you taken from the back never reveals a shiny spot on your head.
15. No ulcers. All problems resolved by girlfriends in hour over the phone. Okay, hours, who cares?
16. No therapy. All magazines, self-help books, Oprah, made for women.
17. No rubber products pulled over your genitals.
18. Designer outlets.
19. You don't have to be interesting; he only wants you to listen. Smile, nod, think about sale at Saks. Actual opinions about anything, a big turnoff to him.
20. Two (or three or four) orgasms to his one.
21. Chocolate can give you one.
22. Miracle Bra. No matter how little you put into one, he becomes your slave.
23. Short skirts. He can't stop thinking what's under them, no matter how many times he's seen it.
24. A really good cry.
25. Short means cute, not Napoleon complex; he loves being looked up to.
26. There is always a sale on somewhere.
27. Martha Stewart can't keep a guy, no matter HOW she folds a napkin.
28. No such thing as bad sex to guys. You can pretty much be in a coma.
29. Your friend asks, "How are you?" You can answer for an hour; someone will actually be listening.
30. Conversations with girlfriends never include numbers (78 percent, 41 million, etc.).
31. No endless bragging bullshit. Friends don't talks deals over tuna salad.
32. Plastic surgery.
33. No matter how small your feet are, no one ever wonders how small anything else is.
34. Make-up. No one ever has to know what you really look like.
35. Money discussed only in relation to shopping or alimony, never income or real estate.
36. Tuxedo rental: $10 Loehman's slipdress: $39
37. No proctology exams.
38. Nothing but pee expected in a plastic cup.
39. Anything you do with your mouth (besides talking) will get his attention, even if done badly.
40. Never feel like a failure because you didn't get to be president.
41. Seeing you eat a banana turns him into a blithering idiot.
42. No one asks you "So, who's gonna win the championship?"
43. No one checks out your genital size in a public restroom.
44. If you lose a tennis game, friends don't feel superior or think you're slipping.
45. No one expects you to know about or fix what's under the hood.
46. Affirmative Action.
47. No rejection. Guys do all the asking.
48. Power. Governments crumble over what's under your skirt. Guys risk their jobs, reputations and homes for it. The world is run on it. It's currency.
49. You finish dressing ... he gets the car.
50. Everything you do is an accomplishment. No one even expects you to be logical.
51. Electricity: dishwashers, microwaves, vibrators (no need for porn).
52. PMS Defense.
53. Always have company in the Ladies Room.
54. Never have to get your face pummeled to impress dates or friends.
55. No one ever says to you in bed, "It's okay, honey, it happens to everyone."
56. You're not compelled to bite people on the back.
57. Waiters always give the check to him.
58. No comb-overs. No rugs.
59. A dip in the ocean makes your interesting parts expand, not shrink.
60. Lorena Bobbitt.