BAKARMERAH@WORPRESS.COM is dead

1. so there i was happliy blogging away at wordpress.

2. and then shit happened. . .oooh who's that dish spreading her thighs on my left. . .how ya doin' girl. . .u got a boyfriend lang lui?

3. anyway, on with da story. . .they (the wordpress ppl) went n changed my password. . .how do you like that?

4. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

5. and more grrr. . . = 5. and more grrr. . . (in webding lingo)

6. fuck lah, who cares. . . i got other blogs you know or not?

7. some more hor, this blogger spot site is much, much easier to blog. . .u see can upload pictures some more. . .

8. although wordpress is much more snootier of course...ahhh lah, who the fook cares lah . . . at least ah zhang, pictured on my right here, is happy; she looks happy or is it pensive? wtf, just enjoy looking at her cleavage lah. . .

how my wife cut off my balls and other similar amazing stories

1. You don't believe izzit?

2. Well, it's true!

3. THIS is how it went:

4. I needed a bike to get into opis early.

So I, we discussed.

5. AFTER much arguing, hoo-ing, haa-ing, begging (oh yeah believe it), she finally relented with, "...IF a bike can make u satisfied, go get it lahhh..."

6. Woo hoo. so off i went and plonked down 800 buckaroos for a 23,800 kawasaki klx 250. WOO HOOO.

7. Uh...NOT so fast my boyo.

8. Yep, true to form..she changed her mind

. Standard, typical screamer: "You don't understand me lah, after 10 years with you...you still d

on't understand me, ya dah ya dah...blah, blah.

9. So no bike. Or no marriage.

10. THAT WAS WHEN I FELT A COLD, SHARP PAIN DOWN UNDER. THAT WAS WHEN I FELT A NEAT, CLEAN SLICE OFF MY BALLS.

11. THE picture u see here is NOT my wife, she is the witch sista. SHe made me a foul pack of: "IF i hv a bike i kenot marry her sister!"

12. Dei THAT was yonks ago lah. Now, baby also cum out oredi. See da ugly pug. Ya da botak, pig-eyed smiling boy. THAT was our creation. Now can die happy liao kwaaah? So can buy bike and kill myself kwah? Just top up da accid

ent insurance if scared i'll die loh. I ONI scared half dead, like paralysed or some thing awful.

13. BUT here's da thing. ah, I've forgotten here's the thing.

14. OK just remembered "here's the thing".

15. Da ball-less man (am i still one?) xchanged me bike for a dog. On one fateful saturday (last week) i happily decided to get a pet dog (well, another pet dog, i oredi own a bulldogggie). Well, I wanted a lap dog yeah? Uh...a lap dancer would be even better, but since i'm no longer a man...you see my dilemma?

16. Anyway, moving on...i told my step dotters (u see those two giggling kiaps up there with the idiotic baby? yeah, that's them)

about my idea and off i went. Mid way to pet shop, wife calls up.

17. Yeah, yeah. Standard screamer. No bloody way you gonna get another dog! u know who will have to clean up after u. Look at your MoMo (that's the bully doggie woggie - now at least 10 yrs old, an old man by human standards!), look at how poorly he's being treated!

18. POORly treated? Oi, he's on lamb kibbles ya? THAT's $160 a bag woman1

19. MORE screaming.

20. EVEN more.

21. So i made a U turn home.

22. Sunday rolls along, she makes a deal. No bike, yes dog. Fuck, what the hell. already ball-less...take deal lah.

23. So now i own a miniature Schnauzer. All $1,800 of hi

m (was listed as $2,400, but motormouth me sweet talked ah choong to let him go at a slightly discounted price. That's 600 dollars off, some discount huh?). IF u want a cutie pie loved-to-death pet dog u can gib him a tinkle.

24. HERE's my shameless plug for my new pet friend: cHoonG 016 666 6939 or +603 7710 3393 (UpTown Pets Centre). Ask him to show you the big surgical scar down his chest. Awesome maan. THAt was when he was cut up after he met with a little car accident with a trailer lorry. BTW, he only do dogs. No hamsters, cats, guinea pigs, hedgehogs, rabbits. He has a grooming joint upstairs as well. And of course hotel for dogs. 50 bucks a day tho, not the usual 25 charge like ordinary kennels. Well, i guess he's entitled to. He feeds the boarders premium food n he lets them out of th

e cages for a run every day. So...do call him if u need a companion who won't cut off your balls (even after u marry them).

25. And, on that happy note, i leave you to lick your wounds n consider carefully before you even start to think of that mid-life crisis Harley.

26. Har Har. have a good, productive week. :)

27. ON THE RIGHT IS A WOMAN YOU BETTER NOT MESS WITH. CHOP, CHOP. SLICE, SLICE. OFF WITH DA BALLs!

Bersih 2.0 will hold its rally for electoral reforms in a stadium and not in the streets

The group said today fresh from an audience with the Yang Di-Pertuan Agong in Istana Negara. “We accept the government’s offer to hold the demonstration in a stadium. We will not hold it in the streets,” Bersih 2.0 chief Datuk Ambiga Sreenevasan told reporters today.

NO HOLDS BARRED by Raja Petra Kamarudin

Datuk: Tan Sri!

Tan Sri: Calm down, Datuk….apa hal bising sangat ni?

Datuk: I have some good news, Tan Sri.

Tan Sri: Ah, what is it this time? Ambiga has migrated and has applied for Australian citizenship?

Datuk: No lah, Tan Sri. Better than that.

Tan Sri: What can be better than Ambiga leaving Malaysia?

Datuk: The BERSIH march is off…cancelled…batal.

Tan Sri: Hmm…that is certainly good news. How come?

Datuk: Ambiga had an audience with the Agong this afternoon and BERSIH has agreed to cancel the street march and hold a rally in the stadium instead.

Tan Sri: His Majesty agreed to meet Ambiga?

Datuk: Yes.

Tan Sri: So that means His Majesty recognises BERSIH?

Datuk: Looks like it.

Tan Sri: So that means we can’t ban BERSIH then.

Datuk: Why not, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: Aiyah...if His Majesty had an official meeting with BERSIH this would mean His Majesty recognises BERSIH.

Datuk: So?

Tan Sri: So it means we can’t ban BERSIH. If not then His Majesty would be guilty of collaborating with an illegal organisation and we would have to arrest His Majesty under the Internal Security Act.

Datuk: Oh…I never thought of that.

Tan Sri: Yes…and that’s why you are a mere Datuk while I am a Tan Sri.

Datuk: That also means we cannot allege that BERSIH is backed by the Communists and Jews. If not then His Majesty would be guilty of working with the Communists and Jews.

Tan Sri: Now you are getting it. So how can that be good news?

Datuk: Didn’t His Majesty think of this? Aiyah…why so stupid?

Tan Sri: Hey, that is seditious. You can’t call the Agong stupid.

Datuk: No, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it was stupid of us to allow the Agong to meet Ambiga.

Tan Sri: But we dragged the Agong into this. So how can we prevent the Agong from meeting BERSIH?

Datuk: Ia lah. We made a big mistake in issuing that statement from the Agong.

Tan Sri: Hey! Cakap baik sikit!

Datuk: Sorry, I meant we made a big mistake in asking the Agong to issue that statement.

Tan Sri: That’s better. Don’t ever say we issued that statement on behalf of the Agong.

Datuk: Okay lah, but at least the street march is off…now it’s been reduced to just a rally in a stadium.

Tan Sri: How many people do you think will attend the rally?

Datuk: Not sure. Maybe 100,000…could even be 200,000. Now that it is no longer an illegal assembly and there is no danger of arrests many more people may turn out. Those who were initially afraid to turn out may now turn out since it is safe. Mana tahu? Could even be 300,000 people.

Tan Sri: How would 300,000 people park their cars at the stadium?

Datuk: Oh, cannot lah. There is not enough car park space for 300,000 people. They will have to park their cars elsewhere and walk to the stadium…or take public transport.

Tan Sri: So, to get to the stadium they will have to walk, right?

Datuk: That’s right.

Tan Sri: Which means they will be marching to the stadium instead of marching to the Agong’s palace, right?

Datuk: Yes, that’s right…oh…I see what you mean.

Tan Sri: Yes, that’s what I mean. So the march is still on then. Only now it is a legal march, not an illegal march. And they will march to the stadium instead of to the palace. And we can’t do anything about it because the Agong has agreed to this. We can no longer arrest the marchers.

Datuk: Aiyah! This is a disaster. We got tricked. What to do, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: What can we do? His Majesty has just given BERSIH legitimacy and it has been agreed that a legal rally can be held in the stadium and because of the huge crowd that may turn out they cannot drive to the stadium but will have to march there dressed in yellow shirts.

Datuk: Mampus!

Tan Sri: Yes, mampus. This is even worse. At least if they proceeded with the original plan we can ban BERSIH and declare it a menace to society and a threat to nation security. Now we can’t touch them. We can’t even arrest anyone on 9th July. And because the rally is legal more people will come out. They are not scared any more. And Umno Youth and PERKASA can’t march on the streets in opposition to BERSIH. If they do we will have to arrest them.

Datuk: Alamak. We can’t touch the BERSIH marchers but will have to arrest the Umno Youth and PERKASA marchers. And Khairy already said if BERSIH cancels the street march he is prepared to work with them. So Umno Youth must now support the BERSIH rally at the stadium.

Tan Sri: Exactly. Now you know why I am a Tan Sri and you are just a Datuk?

Datuk: And that means we can’t also ask the Agong to revoke Ambiga’s citizenship.

Tan Sri: Revoke citizenship for what? For obeying the Agong by cancelling the street march and by holding a rally at the stadium like how Najib asked them to?

Datuk: Somehow I think we have been had…suckered big time.

Tan Sri: Aiyah…please get out of here and leave me alone. I need to draft my resignation letter.

Datuk: What should I do, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: I suggest you also go draft your resignation letter. Najib will want both our heads on a silver platter after this.

READ MORE at: http://www.malaysia-today.net/mtcolumns/no-holds-barred/

brain drain

By LIZ GOOCH

Published: October 1, 2010

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KUALA LUMPUR — With its dazzling skyscrapers, bright lights and ubiquitous symbols of modernity, Singapore has long worked its magic on Rachel Liew, 20.

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Even as a young girl visiting the city-state with her family from her nativeMalaysia, Singapore’s clean streets, convenient public transportation and modern lifestyles made a lasting impression.

As Ms. Liew grew older, she came to believe that Singapore could also offer a better education than her homeland, and in 2008, she packed her bags and headed south across the border to pursue a degree in mechanical engineering at Nanyang Technological University.

“I might return to Malaysia if I had a really good job offer there, which I think would be unlikely, or if I eventually get married to a Malaysian who wants to live in his hometown,” said Ms. Liew, one of about 700,000 Malaysians living abroad. “But other than that, I think I would probably settle down in Singapore.”

That is exactly the kind of sentiment Malaysia’s policy makers are desperate to change.

Many Asian nations have long been concerned about the outflow of human capital to more developed countries, but here in Malaysia, the need to address the problem has assumed a new urgency in the final decade for reaching its long-established goal of becoming a developed country by 2020.

Companies have long complained about a shortage of skilled labor in Malaysia, and economists say it is severely affecting the country’s ability to attract more high-technology industries. The government is acutely aware of the shortage in skills and the potential hurdle it poses to the country’s 2020 goal.

“We don’t get it right, we are in serious trouble,” the human resources minister, S. Subramaniam, said during an interview.

Studying and working overseas have long been considered attractive options for those Malaysians who can afford to make the move. About half of those living abroad can be found in neighboring Singapore. Australia, Britain and the United States are also popular.

Robert K. Chelliah, who runs an Australian immigration agency in Perth, with offices in Kuala Lumpur and Singapore, said by phone that the number of Malaysians contacting his company with inquiries about moving to Australia had soared 80 percent since 2008.

“In the last two to three years, the motivation to acquire Australian permanent residency has sharply increased across all age sectors as well as across racial backgrounds,” he said.

Like Ms Liew, most of the seven people interviewed for this article said that better education, wages and career opportunities could be found abroad, while parents wanted to ensure that their children received an internationally recognized education in English.

Many interviewees, when asked about their concerns about returning to Malaysia, cited racial tensions and the country’s affirmative action policy, which gives special privileges to ethnic Malays, who make up 60 percent of the population. The government has recognized the need to change the policy, which was introduced in the 1970s to improve the economic standing of Malays, who were more highly represented among the nation’s poor than its Chinese and Indian minorities.

Prime Minister Najib Razak has repeatedly emphasized that affirmative action would be made “market-friendly, merit-based, transparent and needs-based” under the country’s latest plan, the New Economic Model, which is designed to steer Malaysia toward its development goals. Ethnic Malays, or bumiputras, still benefit from privileges like discounted housing, and some government contracts are available only to companies they control.

A Malaysian Chinese businessman, who left Malaysia for Canada as a university student in the 1970s and stayed there, said that because of the policy, only a handful of his Malaysian Chinese classmates who also studied abroad had returned to Malaysia. Several other Malay and non-Malay interviewees also described the system as unfair.

Danny Quah, a professor of economics at the London School of Economics and Political Science, says that the brain drain has had a huge effect on the country’s economic and industrial development.