bakarmerah

a haunting interview

2011-12-28T22:06:00.000-08:00

Two o'clock. Interview starts. In walks in the Executive Creative Director.

How are you? Ya dah. Ya dah. Ya dah.

He'll remind the Vice President. Dit. Dit on his smart phone.

The VP arrives. Oooh a Nippon-san.

ECD continues.

I show the work.

A particular campaign elicits, "oh, good work."

He asks, "how would you treat a Junior Art Director?"

I answered honestly and strategically. I'll sit on him/her until he/she produces blood out of stone. Umm, kidding. But, like I said, strategically.

Then the VP pipes up, "can I see the writing and designing you have done for the car magazine?"

Uh oh, it's currently at home, 28 km away.

Oh, alright I'll just nip back home to get it for your reading pleasure.

And that was that. No salaries were discussed. No usual "when can you start?"

Anyway, when I handed the VP my precious portfolio of car articles, he asked if he could borrow it until next year? Since today is the 28th of December, next year is just a few days away, so why not?

And I do want the job, right?

BTW,might as well publish some of my body of works before I leave this world.

THERE must be a lot of portfolio networks around. B-b-binged to find 101,000,000 results.

Well I've signed up to BeHance NETWORK. It's free, so...

Here is where you can find me:

www.behance.net/koodiamond

a new direction - what again?

2011-11-24T23:09:00.000-08:00

Halleluyah.

Just when you think "this is it!" my dear, dear good Lord opens a door for me!

Here's the little miracle: I had just fired the boss. Reckless I know. But I've just had enough of him screaming he'll fire me every week. So, I did what any dignified pro would do, I fired him.

Well, that's not the miracle, that's just the intro to my miraculous story.

Two bloody weeks of trawling the net for copywriter jobs came up with blah. I was short-listed and attended two interviews, which meant I was still employable. But no call ups.

Then. And then.

A linked-in to an old motoring editor I knew. A proposal to him drew an immediate e-mail reply. A call minutes later and we are set up to meet with a proposed first day at work on Tuesday 29 November 2011.

We meet on Monday to discuss what I can do for his 4x4 magazine. I'm revved up already.

What co-incidence (miracle) is this? I could contact him any time, yet I did not. It really took six degrees of directional change. Or could it be that God just nudged me in the direction I must take? I would like to believe this just as I was named by God. That "Diamond" name story will be for another day.

It's not about the money any more. It's more about what I was born to do. What a drama queen I am. Sheeezzzzeee.

What a lovely Christmas present...what, what?

Okay, okay calm down, I haven't nabbed the job yet but a miraculous miracle nevertheless.

Keep up the prayers brothers and sisters. Praise God. Amen.

How was your first time like?

2011-10-18T01:34:00.000-07:00

Of course, you remember your first time. It just depends on what you did that first time. Did you regret it?

Well, let me tell you about my first time.

Yes, I was nervous. I did not know what I was getting into. Or what my action will produce. But every regular Joe or Joey had to do it once - those folks who can afford to do it anyway.

I am talking about the first time you bought your home, be it a tiny 2-room apartment, an ordinary terrace house, a grand bungalow or a palatial penthouse. Let us forget the last two purchases. If you can afford them, I doubt if you will have the attention span to read beyond the first sentence. Not that I am implying that if you are the fabulously rich, you have better things to do. Actually if you are the fabulously rich, what are you doing reading this? You should be off enjoying many other first-time experiences.

I digress. Yes, that first time. Was it bitter-sweet? Terrifying? Rewarding?

Because, and you may already know this, putting your hard-earned cash on a piece of property is the start of a journey which is not unlike saying “I do”. You can undo your “I do” but undoing your purchase may incur monetary losses. Come to think of it, ending your marriage has better chances of undoing you, in more ways than you think.

Let us not go there. Let us rejoice that the good news is that it is generally believed you seldom lose money when you sell off that bit of chicken coop you call home.

But the first time when you bought your home? All that research. All that scrimping and saving. All those trips to the banks. And lawyers. All that extra money you need when you thought you had it all calculated. And do you really need to renovate a little bit to make it liveable?

Was it better than all your first-time incidents? Was it worth it?

The first time I put down money on my first house, I was living in quite interesting times. At that time, in the 80’s, the supply of Petaling Jaya houses were limited. Yet banks were freezing loans. Fortunately, the 10% down payment was easily extracted from my parents, call it a soft loan. The hard part was running all over town begging for the other 90% from banks. The other tough part was that the standard operating procedure was when you find your desired house you buy it there and then. No second thoughts. Scary or what, eh? I saw my intended house at lunch time and I handed over the cheque at dinner time. And it was a second-hand house, mind you. Those times were really, let us say “entertaining”.

My first double-storey 24’ x 75’ modest house in Damansara Utama set me back all of RM137,000, a princely sum in 1980.

Nowadays, I hear, it is so much easier for first-timers. Banks come to you. Developers waive the Sales & Purchase lawyer’s fees. There is no interest until the house is built and what-not freebies.

A terrace house is now no longer known as a terrace house but a link house. Fancy name, but it is still joined to the adjacent houses. And, of course, you will need to fork out more than 400,000 of that Ringgit Malaysia to even sniff at a double-storey link house anywhere on the outskirts of Petaling Jaya. Looks like entertaining times are here to stay.

So, how was your first time like?

WHO DO YOU BLAME WHEN YOUR FISH DIES?

2011-08-19T02:46:00.000-07:00

Have you lost fish lately and are pinning the blame on someone or something else? Here are a few reasons why it may not be their fault after all...

"I tried shops A, B and C when I bought and set up my tank and all my fish died. A few months later I found shop D and all my fish from them have been healthy."

Possible reason:
Your tank was actually going through a phase callednew tank syndrome, whereby there are insufficient beneficial bacteria in the filter and gravel to break down the harmful waste produced by the fish. Buying fish from A, B and C also causes concern as stocking levels should be kept deliberately low when setting up a new tank, and over the next six weeks or so.

"I put some new gravel in my tank and all my fish died. The gravel killed all my fish!"

Possible reason:
Even if the gravel was calcareous it would not raise the pH and hardness enough to cause a wipe out even for soft water fish. If you bought it from an aquatic shop there is no way that any materials used will be toxic either, even with coloured gravels.

A more likely answer is that by removing all your existing gravel you removed a lot of good bacteria with it, or even stirred up some nitrate in doing so. And most spring cleans coincide with other chores like filter maintenance.

Is it possible that you cleaned or replaced your filter media at the same time, causing a loss of bacteria to the whole system that was just too great, which in turn caused water quality problems and fish deaths?

"My new lights are causing algae. They're rubbish!" (picture by George Farmer)

Possible reason:
Regardless of spectrum, which really doesn't matter, replacing old lights for new or upgrading from T8 to T5s for example will mean that your lighting will be brighter. Without having all those nutrients tightly cycled by plants or by other means like in a marine aquarium you will get algae.

To combat this the more light you have the more flow you need, and in the case of plants, the more fertiliser you will need to add too, so that they can ramp up their growth accordingly and combat algae themselves.

"My fish ate my other fish so I took it back to the shop."

Possible reason:
Unless you have added a known predator to your tank, like a Leaf fish, or you keep very small fish with much larger fish, it is unlikely that your fish have eaten each other. Instead a fish may have died from other causes and the other fish in the tank were keen to graze on the soft bodied corpse.

Always test the water if a fish dies to make sure that it is not water quality related.

Even vegetarian fish will dine on dead fish.

"My new filter is very noisy. I won't ever buy that make again."

Possible reason:
New filters, especially external canister filters, may well contain trapped air immediately after priming. Ceramic media, carbon and sponges will release air for several days after first soaked and this can collect around the impeller chamber, causing noise. Shake your filter, turn it on and off a few times and it should go away. Check that you fitted the impeller properly and that the shaft is not broken.

"That shop wouldn't let me have fish but I was told by someone else it would be fine. They don't know what they are talking about."

Possible reason:
If the shop is encouraging you not to buy a certain fish then the odds are they do know what they are talking about and are acting in your best interest, over their own sales. Maybe you want to add too many fish in one go, your tank and filter is immature, or by asking you what fish you currently have, they have flagged a species mix that may be trouble.

Fishkeeping is about patience so take your time and get it right. If you want too many sorts of fish or too many, the only realistic option is a second tank.

"My fish was fine for ages before it died. I'm getting another of the same species."

Possible reason:
Was it thriving or just about surviving, and actually taking a long time to die? Unsuitable conditions, stress from bullying, or inadequate food can take months to manifest itself. Research the requirements of every species you purchase and always put welfare before your own personal wants. A marine Mandarin surviving for anything less than a year should be seen as failure through slow starvation.

"I was having terrible problems with my tank until I added this product. Now everything is fine."

Possible reason:
Few products work genuine miracles overnight, so again its use may have coincided with filter maturation or in the case of algae, either starving itself out of nutrients or plants kicking in and solving the problem themselves.

"I added this medication and all my fish died."

Possible reason:
Here you have to ask yourself why you were adding medication in the first place. Presumably because the fish were ill? The key to treating fish is to diagnose the problem quickly and treat it with the appropriate medicine. If water quality is bad your fish won't get better regardless of treatment, and few if any treatments are strong enough to overdose and kill your fish as they have to be idiot proof in their usage.

THIS ARTICLE IS COURTESY OF:

http://www.practicalfishkeeping.co.uk/content.php?sid=4225&utm_source=PFK_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=August_12_2011&utm_term=Who_do_you_blame_when_your_fish_die?&utm_content=html

Asia - Truly Malaysia

2011-08-18T01:01:00.000-07:00

I really enjoyed this story, so i'm copying it below for my later enjoyment. So thanks Ray Chin.

MAS Buffeted by PMS StormBy raychin‘Asia Truly Malaysia’

http://raychin.wordpress.com/2007/07/19/mas-buffeted-by-pms-storm/

To all the readers, this is a long article but very interesting. So those of you who need to go to the powder room please do so now, because you will not want to stop reading what is written here.

It is my view that names and acronyms are important. They do have a psychological impact on the bearer of the name or the public’s perception of the bearer of the name. Hence it is important that we use names that evoke respect, honour, goodness and such. It is also important that we avoid names that may invoke ridicule.

I always felt that English names like Robert Brooke Popham sounded a little ‘poppy’ (something that goes ‘pop’). The name does not inspire much awe. But this was the name of the Commander-In-Chief of the British Far East Command which surrendered Malaya to the Japanese in 1941. This was the Commander of over 250,000 Orang Putih soldiers who surrendered to 36,000 ‘vertically challenged’ Japanese bicycle troopers.

The acronym PMS refers to Malaysia Airlines’ Performance Management System – which is presently causing too much headache, depression, irritability, anger and restlessness among the majority of MAS’ employees. Over 90% of MAS’ employees are unhappy with the PMS.

As a result, some serious repercussions are now affecting MAS. Last week alone (8th to 14th July), 70% of all MAS flights were delayed, some by as long as 14 hours. MAS’ OTP or ‘On Time Performance’ (i.e., flights that left on schedule) for last week was only 30%. This is worse than Fly Asian Express or Air Asia – which are two-star budget airlines.

PMS is also a medical acronym for Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. The Doctors say that Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) is a cluster of up to 150 symptoms that many women experience each month preceding the start of menstruation. PMS is believed to affect between one-third and one-half of women between 20-50 years of age. The symptoms include headache, depression, irritability, anger, restlessness and diarrhoea.

Drawing a close parallel, we can see that indeed MAS has been afflicted with PMS!

Perhaps PMS is a sick acronym hoisted upon MAS by one of MAS’ numerous consultants who knows too well the level of English proficiency in MAS (and Malaysia).

Over 90% of MAS’ stalwart staff, i.e., those who have 10, 15, 20 and 25 years of service, have been bypassed by the PMS. They have not been paid bonuses this year and they have been completely cut off from the recent ESOS or Employee Share Option Scheme.

MAS’ fantastic, ‘too good to be true’ ESOS Scheme

The largest bone to pick is the ESOS. MAS’ ESOS scheme is a fantastic deal, too good to be true. Firstly, the very nature of the term ‘Employee Share Option Scheme’ means that ALL employees have access to the ESOS to secure their continued loyalty because through the ESOS the employee has a share in the company. This is not the case with MAS’ ESOS scheme. In MAS, only chosen employees are lucky enough to get the ESOS.

Furthermore, employees have to pay for the ESOS too. They must buy the share options. But in MAS’ ESOS, those chosen and lucky employees do not need any money outlay to enjoy the benefits of the ESOS. Plus there are absolutely no downside risks to the ESOS. The lucky employees who got the ESOS can have their cake and eat it at the same time.

Immediately this casts doubt as to the purpose of the MAS ESOS. It is a simple cash bonus – a Christmas or Hari Raya goodie. Lucky employees who get the ESOS sign a piece of paper giving them an option to sell their ESOS shares within a time frame of four years. The price of the MAS shares for the ESOS has been fixed at about RM5.10 per share. If the share price goes up, the lucky employees can sell the shares at the higher price and keep the profit while MAS takes back the RM5.10 per share principal. If the price of the shares drops to below RM5.10, the employees can just opt not to exercise their option. No upfront money is involved for the employee. The ESOS is nothing more than a cash handout. Hence not everyone is given the ESOS. Only selected people have got it.

Who did not get the ESOS?

First, let’s see who did not get the ESOS. The entire population of MAS’ over 200 operating pilots, the most important part of the MAS family, were not offered the ESOS at all, including pilots with 20 years of flying service with MAS. Only two pilots who are now in management positions were given the ESOS.

Over 90% of middle managers, assistant general managers and even general managers with over 15 years experience with MAS were not given the ESOS either.

Who got the ESOS?

Now let’s see who got the ESOS.

i. Senior General Managers who were hired just two years ago have been given the ESOS as well as special bonuses. For example, Bernard Francis, a Senior General Manager with less than 36 months service with MAS, in his mid-thirty, and earning a monthly salary RM38,000 got the ESOS. His deputy, a Chinaman aged over 50 years, and with about 20 years service with MAS, did not get the ESOS. Bernard runs something called network management. His department suffers high staff turnover and it has not produced any great results.

ii. Non-employees have also been given the ESOS. You may ask how can non-employees be given ESOS in a company where they are not employed? Answer: They must be consultants. MAS is a con-sultans paradise. If you are a sultan of con, go to MAS. They will give you money.

Miss Zulaifa, a Singaporean, has been a consultant with MAS for the past 24 months and is drawing a salary of RM80,000 per month. Yes folks, that is RM80,000 per month. Zulaifah has been awarded the ESOS. By the way Zulaifah is leaving MAS in a few weeks. Her contract is soon expiring. The question is: why give a consultant (who is technically not an employee) an ESOS, especially when her contract is expiring and she is going back to Singapore? We will read more about Zulaifah further down.

iii. Drivers to the Senior General Managers have been given the ESOS. Almost all the personal drivers of the Senior GM’s have been given the ESOS. MAS’ 200 operational pilots who steer Boeing 747 Jumbo jets, Airbus A320 Wide-body aircraft and other airplanes have not been given the ESOS. MAS seeks to secure the loyalty of its SPM educated ‘drebar kereta’ more than its pilots. Mr Idris Jala, encik sudah gila ke?

iv. Mr Idris Jala, the Managing Director of MAS, has hired a PA or Personal Assistant in the person of one John Toh. Mr Toh’s monthly salary is RM18,000. MAS employees are mystified as well as flabbergasted as to the scope or scale of Mr Toh’s duties as a PA to the MD that can command a RM18,000 monthly salary. Anyway, John Toh, who has about 24 months’ service, also got the ESOS.

v. Union bosses, especially one particular boss of the MAS Employees Union have been given special bonuses as well as the ESOS. One of these union bosses also has a contract to ‘wash aircraft’ that was awarded through a company owned by his wife. It is a special ten-year contract with ‘No Termination Clause’. This union guy does not have to come to work. He appears once a month to collect his salary. Now he can collect on his ESOS too.

vi. One employee was given the ESOS, followed by his retirement letter. ESOS is supposed to reward talent to keep them in the company. Why reward people who are leaving? General Managers who are still serving did not get any ESOS.

vii. Ms Indra Nair who draws a RM40,000 a month salary and has about 24 months service was hired by Mr Idris Jala as Senior General Manager for Corporate Communications. She got the ESOS. Ms Nair makes MAS’ Press releases. Recently, she had to withdraw one of her corporate communications regarding the PMS and the ESOS after making a blunder. Mr Idris Jala had to apologise too for her mistake. Mr Idris Jala hired Ms Nair to come out with what is known as the CCS or Corporate Communications Strategy. But that was two years ago. After two years the CCS is still a no show.

To help her craft the CCS, Miss Nair hired another Assistant General Manager (of course, when you are a Senior GM, then you would need an Assistant GM). This AGM was pulled in from Maxis at a salary of RM18,000 per month. But still no Corporate Communications Strategy.

The fact that of late MAS is suffering 70% flight delays and the fact that 90% of its employees are totally unhappy with MAS is proof enough that the RM40,000 per month Communications SGMs are falling down on the job too.

ESOS done in secrecy

MAS employees also despair the fact that the whole ESOS was done in secrecy. There was absolutely no transparency. The staff do not know on what basis did a RM38,000 per month Senior GM with just two years in the company get his ESOS while a senior pilot with over 25 years experience flying Boeing 747s did not get anything – no ESOS or Special Bonus?

Mr Idris Jala becomes a Muslim (Islam Hadhari version).

By the way in the latest turn of events at MAS, the MD Mr Idris Jala has decided to adopt Islam Hadhari as his faith. This means he has joined the ‘I don’t know’ club. At a stormy meeting last week, when MAS’ disgruntled staff pelted him with questions and indisputable facts, Mr Idris Jala just looked at them blankly and said, ‘I don’t know what else to do’.

Idris making plans

Mr Idris Jala is also making plans for himself. Talk is his old employer, Shell, wants him back. But Idris is eyeing the top job in Petronas to replace soon to retire Tan Sri Hassan Merican. Idris certainly has the connections – in the person of the Finance Minister 2. To all staff of Petronas please take note. You are familiar with consultants too. But please brush up on what are ESOS, 30 something Senior General Managers, etc. Why? Because it’s coming! To an office near you soon!

Whistleblower Program

Why is this very detailed article being written now in Malaysia Today? The last time this happened was when Munir Majid, the Chairman of MAS, started buying Botello paintings while quaffing free Dom Perignon and flying to London all on tax-payers’ expense. To quell such embarrassing details of the pimples on MAS’ backsides being shown in public again, Mr Idris Jala came out with the ‘Whistleblower Program’. Disgruntled employees were given a ‘secret and confidential channel’ to voice grievances without any fear of exposure or repercussion.

Well, one honest employee from the Engineering Department in MAS wrote a list of things about his department and promptly put it into the Whistleblower Box thinking that his confidentiality would be respected and that he was doing something good for the company. To his great chagrin and some discomfort, his confidential memo was sent back to his department head. His identity was blown, his name was noted and life became quite the misery for this honest soul. And that was the end of Mr Idris Jala’s Whistleblower Program too. That is why this article is coming out now in Malaysia Today. We are blowing the whistle. Phreet! Phreet! Fowl play! Red card!

The KPI fiasco and Silo Mentalities

After the advent of Mr Idris Jala, MAS sought to curb what was flagged as the Silo Mentality. This refers to staff that are only worried about their own job scope and do not care too much for their colleagues at the work place. MAS wanted its staff to be team players – to be more cognizant of what were their colleagues’ responsibilities. Hence the KPIs or Key Performance Indicators were introduced. But after three years of implementation, the KPIs are creating a greater Silo Mentality and causing more PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome) type problems for MAS.

The harmony in the MAS family has been completely broken by the KPIs. It is going to take years to rebuild the rapport and camaraderie that existed in MAS before the KPIs were implemented in the GLCs.

A simple example of the negative effects of the KPI is the case of Zulaifah, the RM80,000 per month Singaporean consultant who was brought into MAS by Mr Idris Jala and Tengku Azmil, the Deputy CEO of MAS. Zulaifah’s KPI was simple – sell some of the buildings and properties owned by MAS and do it by a certain date to ease up cash flow for the beleaguered airline.

Among these are the US1,000 per night Four Seasons Hotel on Langkawi and MAS’ properties in Australia. Zulaifah set about with zeal to achieve her KPIs. The Four Seasons Hotel was sold to Prince Tolol of Saudi Arabia. But there are some issues not resolved. Part of the land in Langkawi on which the Four Seasons Hotel stands belongs to the Raja of Perlis. It looks like the Raja of Perlis may now have some legal sorting out to do too. Also, it is doubtful how the sale of Langkawi land meets State Government regulations on sale of land to foreigners. Well, the Legal Department in MAS has to sort it out now – perhaps to the detriment of their own KPIs.

Then, to meet her KPIs again, Zulaifah sold MAS’ properties in Australia – this time she did it so quickly that the properties were sold below market value. Now, after this stroke of genius, MAS has to rent office premises in Australia. So, rental expenses in Australia are going up – putting stress on the KPIs of MAS’ Australian operations. But as far as Zulaifah is concerned, she has already achieved her KPIs. And she has been rewarded with the ESOS. And she is leaving anyway since her contract is expiring.

The biggest complaint is of course Mr Idris Jala’s own KPIs. Idris was told by Nor Mohamed Yakcop, the Finance Minister 2, that among other things he was to implement MAS’ new PMS by 31 December 2006. Idris has done just that. The result now is MAS’ famous 70% delay in all flights last week (over 300 flights a day). This figure will possibly worsen before it gets better.

MAS has a Deputy CEO designate in the person of Tengku Azmil – formerly from Penerbangan Malaysia Bhd or PMB. PMB owns all the airplanes flown by MAS. Azmil was the guy in PMB who leased all the airplanes to MAS. To satisfy his KPI requirements when he was in PMB, Azmil laid down the terms that when the airplane leases expire MAS must return the planes to PMB in ‘original working condition’. What does this mean? It means money. MAS has to spend an extra RM180 million a year on parts and other upkeep to meet this condition. (In the airline leasing industry the cost of the lease takes into consideration the condition of the plane when it is to be returned).

Now, over at MAS: Azmil, the Deputy CEO, finds that his KPI is being infringed upon by this same expensive lease condition. He is trying to ‘unbundle’ this condition set by PMB. But PMB is saying, “This is what you put in when you were here.”

The senior management in MAS does not care what happens down the line. As long as they can achieve their own KPIs, they don’t give two hoots about how the impact of their actions on the middle managers and the rest of the company. MAS’ senior management is now solidly entrenched inside their Silo Mentality.

However, MAS is not alone. Other GLCs, particularly Khazanah Nasional Bhd, are also suffering extreme cases of the Silo Mentality after the implementation of the KPIs. The KPI system gives birth to the Silo Mentality. This is what happens when the Finance Minister 2 cannot think strategically on his own. The KPI idea was bought lock, stock and barrel from con-sultans who conned the Finance Minister 2 into believing that KPIs would save the GLCs. Well, they are not.

Chairman Munir Majid

What would be MAS’ travails without mention of its Mamak Chairman? My regards to Munir Majid, the Chairman of MAS. I bumped into him at a public function recently (Datuk, I was the albino dwarf with the python tie). Munir has become a little less ostentatious since his RM1 million Botello art collection was exposed a couple of years ago. But Munir still thinks he can contribute some style to MAS. As the Chairman of the Board, Munir hosted MAS’ latest Board of Directors meeting in Jakarta, Indonesia, just last week.

This is the first time in the history of MAS that a Board meeting has been held outside the country, especially in Jakarta. Again, many of MAS’ old staffers are puzzled as to why Jakarta? But to Munir, those are silly questions. All the Directors were flown first class on tax-payers’ money, booked into five-star hotels, and had a binge in Jakarta. Munir of course must have polished off the Dom Perignon champagne as usual. Someone must tell Munir that Jakarta got no style lah! Also the habit of ‘telan dengan botol sekali’ Dom Perignon champage at tax-payers’ expense is really low class lah anna! And right after the Board meeting, MAS’ achieved delays in 70% of all its flights.

MAS exploring options including ‘throwing in the towel’

According to the AFTA (Asean Free Trade Agreement), the open skies policy for air travel between ASEAN countries starts in 2009. From Jan 1, 2009, any ASEAN airline will be allowed to fly from capital to capital without any restrictions. This means MAS can fly to Manila, Garuda can fly to KLIA, etc., without any restrictions.

Then, three years later, in 2012, ASEAN airlines will be allowed to fly to major airports in each others’ countries. Another three years later, in 2015, ASEAN airlines will have totally unrestricted access to fly to any airport in ASEAN. This means SIA can fly to Batu Berendam in Melaka, MAS can fly to Yangon in Myanmar, Air Vietnam can fly to Bandung, Indonesia, and so on and so forth.

To prepare for this most exciting, uncertain and risky future of the open skies, MAS has done what it does very well. It has hired more consultants to advise the airline on what to do. One of the options MAS is seriously considering is to throw in the towel, i.e., to merge with another airline.

MAS hired Mackenzie & Co to explore further this ‘throw in the towel’ option. Two Mat Sallehs from Mckenzie & Co are walking the corridors of MAS trying to identify potential merger partners. (You won’t believe this but keep reading).

The two Mat Salleh consultants did not have a clue about what to do. So they organised a meeting with MAS’ middle managers and put the question to them ‘Who do you think can be the best merger partner for MAS?’

The MAS managers gave the two Mat Sallehs a whacking. They told them, “You are the bloody consultants hired to think for us. Why do you ask us? You tell us.” But the Mackenzie boys still had no clue. Then one seasoned MAS manager suggested that they study the merger between KLM and Air France and see if there could be anything there worth emulating (although the Dutch KLM and Air France have merged, their planes maintain separate livery, but the merged entity enjoys benefits in purchases, operational savings, support services, etc.).

Being Mat Sallehs, the two Mackenzie consultants immediately booked business-class tickets to Paris and Amsterdam to study the Air France-KLM merger – all at the expense of the Malaysian taxpayer of course.

If merger is an option that MAS is seriously considering, there are few possible merger partners. Since Garuda or Air France are out of the question it leaves only SIA and possibly Qantas to consider. Both make good business sense but are politically untenable. If MAS merges with SIA then we will revert back to the old MSA (Malaysia Singapore Airlines). Only now they may call it Singapore Malaysia Airlines (“Iskandar” could be a compromise). Qantas is possible since there is an airport at Perth, Australia, which is now the favourite destination of our Prime Minister. But since names are important, ‘Con Air’ just does not sound right – at least for us non-convict descended Malaysians.

But the most likely merger partner on the horizon is Air Asia. It is most likely that within 24 months MAS will merge with Air Asia. In the Malaysian scheme of things, Air Asia will take over MAS. Maybe the new entity could then be called ‘Air Asia Truly Malaysia’.

MAS: Con-sultans paradise

MAS is the con-sultans paradise. If you are a sultan of con and you want to make easy money, go to MAS. From the time of Munir Majid, Mr Idris Jala and Tengku Azmil, the Deputy CEO, MAS hired a con-sultan to advise on their ‘support services’. RM20 million was spent on the con-sultan alone. But after two years it has been found out that the programs that were implemented in that area were not cost effective. So the entire ‘shared services’ program has been rolled back. That is RM20 million down the toilet.

Another con-sultan, based in Dubai of all places, was hired to implement IT in MAS. The con-sultan’s initial cost was also RM20 million. Over the past years, a total of RM100 million has been paid to this con-sultan for their IT services. MAS managers who have to use the ‘new’ IT system find out that they cannot get information from the system. Whenever strange astronomical figures are churned out by the IT system, MAS seasoned managers with 15, 20 and 25 years service immediately call the IT con-sultan and say, “Your system is acting funny again.” The IT con-sultan becomes overjoyed to hear this. They will say ‘Raise a log’. This means file a complaint. What it means is more money because every ‘log’ that is raised will be invoiced back to MAS for IT con-sultan services. RM20 million has become RM100 million.

Millions of taxpayers’ money is being squandered by MAS on consultants and the supposedly business-savvy new management team led by Mr Mr Idris Jala to think up of ways of selling the family silver. Any idiot can do that.

Message to Mr Idris Jala: You do not need these expensive consultants and RM40,000 a month Senior General Managers to turn around the company. There are thousands of loyal, experienced and clever employees in MAS who have 10, 15, 20 and 25 years service with MAS. They know the company and the airline industry inside out. From its engineers, its in-house IT people, its accountants, its sales and marketing people, the pilots and the administrators – they are all proven in many ways. There is enough ‘Internal Equity’ within MAS to make a success of the airline.

MAS’ seasoned staff, in particular the large number of middle-managers, are supremely confident that they can tackle any open sky policy come 2009, 2012 and 2015. It is time for MAS to undertake ‘Resource Mining’ – look into itself and promote its own proven and loyal staff who are very capable of running the airline well. Just leave them alone to do the job. Ever since the entry of Tajuddin Ramli in the 90s, MAS has not recovered. It is being passed from one set of stained and greasy hands to yet another. Each time MAS is passed around, money is lost by the bucketfuls.

Just leave the staff alone and let them run the airline. They know what to do. Don’t waste money, don’t waste time.

Conclusion: Melayu takkan hilang di dunia, tetapi Melayu takkan ke mana!

AUGUST 13, Bill Bernbach, ad legend, happy birthday

2011-08-15T23:53:00.000-07:00

Editor's note: Aug. 13 would mark the 100th birthday of advertising legend Bill Bernbach. He was named the single most influential person in advertising in the 20th century by Ad Age, but unlike others in the industry, Mr. Bernbach didn't leave behind an opus in book form. So David Andrew Lloyd took it upon himself to track down the man and "interview" him.]

To learn the secret behind such classics as his Volkswagen "Think Small" ads and Avis "We Try Harder" campaign, I decided I must find Bill Bernbach, the leading force behind the Creative Revolution.

Bill Bernbach, ad legend

He had the ability to analyze a product's qualities, and extract its raw personal emotion. He knew a place where he could actually touch the human soul.

With his American Tourister Gorilla as my guide, we traveled over the Mountain of Focus Group Research, through the dark Jungle of Behavioral Sciences and past the Tomb of the Unknown Edsel. Eventually, we found Bernbach in the Valley of Intuition, celebrating his 100th birthday.*

LLOYD: What's the key element for developing effective advertising?

BERNBACH: The purpose of advertising ... is to sell. If that goal doesn't permeate every idea you get, every word you write, every picture you take, you're phony, and you ought to get out of the business.

LLOYD: Then how did you justify your radical style of showing empty bottles in ads, teeth marks in Levy's bread, models without smiles?

Bernbach talked Avis into embracing its No. 2 position.

BERNBACH: I realized that the growth of television, along with all the existing media, would result in consumers being bombarded with more messages than they could absorb. So the advertiser would have to deliver his message in a different way -- memorably and artfully -- if he was going to be "chosen" by the consumer.

LLOYD: What was wrong with the old scientific approach?

BERNBACH: I warn you against believing that advertising is a science. Artistry is what counts. The business is filled with great technicians, and unfortunately they talk the best game ... but there is one little problem. Advertising happens to be an art, not a science.

LLOYD: Sounds blasphemous.

BERNBACH: The more you research, the more you play it safe, and the more you waste money. Research inevitably leads to conformity.

LLOYD: At least you won't offend anyone.

BERNBACH: (Laughing) Eighty-five percent of all ads don't even get looked at. Think of it! You and I are the most extravagant people in the world. Who else is spending billions of dollars and getting absolutely nothing in return? We were worried about whether or not the American public loves us. They don't even hate us. They just ignore us.

LLOYD: So how do you get into that desirable 15%?

BERNBACH: The only difference is an intangible thing that businessmen are so suspicious of, this thing called artistry. ... Try riding the bus ... and you just watch the people with Life magazine flipping though the pages at $60,000 a page, and not stopping and looking. The only thing that can stop them is this thing called artistry that says, "Stop, look, this is interesting."

LLOYD: Shouldn't market research improve those odds?

BERNBACH: Research can be dangerous. It should give you facts and not make judgments for you. ... We are too busy measuring public opinion that we forget we can mould it.

LLOYD: Advertisers still need to judge their ideas against something tangible.

BERNBACH: I have found, by and large -- I know this is heresy -- the better the marketing man, the poorer the judge of an ad. That's because he wants to be sure of everything, and you can't be sure of everything.

LLOYD: Doesn't it seem logical to test your ads?

BERNBACH: (Grinning.) I'm beginning to believe, incidentally, that logic is one of the great obstacles to progress.

LLOYD: How do you suggest advertisers make their "guesses" accurate?

BERNBACH: Know his product inside and out. Your cleverness must stem from knowledge of the product. ... It's hard to write well about something you know little about.

LLOYD: Ha! That's research. Why can't you admit advertising is a science?

BERNBACH: (Annoyed.) The greatest advances in the history of science came from scientists' intuition. Listen to one of the greatest scientific minds talking on the subject of physicists. "The supreme task of the physicist is to arrive at those universal elementary laws from which the cosmos can be built up by pure deduction. There is no logical path to these laws. Only intuition can reach them." The scientist's name was Albert Einstein, the greatest scientist of them all!

Volkswagen ads are often held up as examples of the height of the creative revolution.

LLOYD: Nevertheless, clients want to feel secure before spending their money.

BERNBACH: In advertising, the big problem facing the client is that he wants to be sure that his new campaign is fool proof. Even we can't be sure that there are certain things that an ad must contain. They are no more predictable than that a play will be a hit or a book a best seller.

LLOYD: Can you blame them for being cautious?

BERNBACH: Playing it safe can be the most dangerous thing you can do.

LLOYD: It's their money. It's their right to make that decision.

BERNBACH: We don't permit the client to give us ground rules. It's bad for the client.

LLOYD: Come on, Bill. That's a bit egotistical.

BERNBACH: I don't mean to be arrogant, but we have deep convictions about our work, and we believe that one of the greatest services we can give the client is to honestly state our convictions.

LLOYD: You've influenced some of the biggest names in advertising, but even you must admit the "creative revolution" brought about some irrelevant zaniness.

BERNBACH: The trouble with a lot of our emulators is they just put cleverness down. A picture of a man standing on his head would get attention, but the reader would feel tricked by the gimmick -- unless we were trying to sell a gadget to keep change in his pocket.

LLOYD: You were legendary for hiring young, untested talent and turning them into superstars. But, considering the economy, how would you overlook their inevitable blunders?

BERNBACH: (Smiling.) You know, something that's almost like a mistake is what gets a person's attention.

LLOYD: If everything you tell me is true, why are there so many bad ads?

BERNBACH: Urged by the instinct to survive and the habit of eating, they go along with guidance they don't really believe in. The result is inevitable: Work without conviction, work without effectiveness, work without personality, work that is cold arithmetic instead of warm persuasion.

*Answers are actual Bernbach quotes.

i am terrified silly

2011-08-11T05:28:00.000-07:00

well, well...i actually got meself a little old dirt bike!

one last hurrah then.

but oh my golly gosh was i scared shitless?

you bet your last dollar!

got the kawa klx 250s on wednesday morning that's the tenth of august 2011.

u wanna buy my reg number? it's totally inauspicious. five four five eight. that's cannot die, cannot prosper. well, there u go.

u want to see how a kwacker look like? GFGI.

okay babes, that's all for now. tmr i take the car! no not cos i scared, too many big things to transport to da opis. :)

Life can begin at 60, it is all in your hands!

2011-08-04T06:23:00.000-07:00

Many More Good, Healthy, Fun-Filled Years Too...

Many people feel unhappy, health-wise and security-wise, after 60 years of age owing to the diminishing importance given to them and their opinion.

But it need not be so, if only we understand the basic principles of life and follow them scrupulously.

Here are ten mantras to age gracefully and make life after retirement pleasant.

1. Never say ‘I am aged ': There are three ages, chronological, biological, and psychological.

The first is calculated based on our date of birth; the second is determined by the health conditions and the third is how old you feel you are.

While we don't have control over the first, we can take care of our health with good diet, exercise and a cheerful attitude. A positive attitude and optimistic thinking can reverse the third age.

2. Health is Wealth: If you really love your kith and kin, taking care of your health should be your priority. Thus, you will not be a burden to them.

Have an annual health check-up and take the prescribed medicines regularly. Do take health insurance cover.

3. Money is important: Money is essential for meeting the basic necessities of life, keeping good health and earning family respect and security.

Don't spend beyond your means even for your children.

You have lived for them all through and it is time you enjoyed a harmonious life with your spouse.

If your children are grateful and they take care of you, you are blessed. But never take it for granted.

4. Relaxation and Recreation: The most relaxing and recreating forces are a healthy religious attitude, good sleep, music and laughter. Have faith in God, learn to sleep well, love good music and see the funny side of life.

5. Time is precious: It is almost like holding a horse's reins. When they are in your hands, you can control them.

Imagine that everyday you are born again. Yesterday is a cancelled cheque. Tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is ready cash — use it profitably.

Live this moment.

6. Change is the only permanent thing: We should accept change — it is inevitable.

The only way to make sense out of change is to join the dance. Change has brought about many pleasant things.

We should be happy that our children are blessed.

7. Enlightened Selfishness: All of us are basically selfish. Whatever we do, we expect something in return.

We should definitely be grateful to those who stood by us. But our focus should be on the internal satisfaction and happiness we derive by doing good to others, without expecting anything in return.

8. Forget and Forgive: Don't be bothered too much about others' mistakes.

We are not spiritual enough to show our other cheek when we are slapped in one. But for the sake of our own health and happiness, let us forgive and forget them.

Otherwise, we will be only increasing our BP.

9. Everything has a purpose: Take life as it comes.

Accept yourself as you are and also accept others for what they are.

Everybody is unique and right in his own way.

10. Overcome the Fear of Death: We all know that one day we have to leave this world.

Still we are afraid of death.

We think that our spouse and children will be unable to withstand our loss.

But the truth is no one is going to die for you; they may be depressed for some time.

Time heals everything and they will carry on.

some sicko wife jokes

2011-07-08T01:41:00.000-07:00

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others.

--Oscar Wilde

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

--Scottish Proverb

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

--Sam Kinison

Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.

--H. L. Mencken

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

--Anonymous

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? " She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

--Anonymous

We always hold hands. If I let go, she goes shopping.

My wife was in beauty salon for two hours.

That was only for the estimate.

--Anonymous

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

--Anonymous

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"

Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."

--Anonymous

Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married.

He says "the wedding rings look like minature
handcuffs... .."

--Anonymous

If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first?

The dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u
let him in!

--Anonymous

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin .

The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works ! "

A Funny Letter to a Funny Mother

2011-07-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

Dearest Mummy,

You are so funny.

Did you know that I did not ask to be born? But since you and Dad created me . . uh . . you’ll have to be responsible for my well-being and upbringing, which means you two have to start paying till you bleed – until I’m an adult or until I can take care of myself, as in securing a paid job.

You do understand that don’t you?

So now you are telling me I have to pay you back your hard-earned money? You have no house, no car, no money because you gave them all to me? AND I OWE YOU RM70,000 PLUS/MINUS?

Okay, let's do a rough count back to see why this is so. Let’s do it, once and for all, who owes who what before you accuse me of blackmailing you OR you blackmailing you.

You ready for the funny count down?

Here goes:

ISSUE:

In or around 1970 when sis and me were going to take our Lower Certificate of Education examinations, Dad, being the compulsive gambler that he is suddenly decided NOT to support his children. ALL his money went into buying the national lottery and what-have-you.

So, let’s say we need $3,000 a year to keep me clothed, fed, buy books, pay school & exam fees, you two owe me $3,000 x 4 years (form 3 till upper 6) =

What about the TRAUMA I went through when Dad started kicking our wooden bedroom wall so that sis n me could not sleep (AND DURING EXAM TIME TOO) cos you wouldn’t loan him more money to gamble?

MAYBE THAT’S WHY I CAN’T SLEEP ONCE EVERY MONTH. MAYBE THAT’S HOW I CONTRACTED MY OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER DISEASE.

Medication costs, doctor fees (since 1988) and for the future ?? years =

I started supporting you medically from year 2009? Let’s say $2,500 a year. And you will possibly live longer than me. So, let’s say I take care of you for another 10 years. AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO HAVE YOUR OWN SAVINGS? ARE YOUR CHILDREN SUPPOSED TO SUPPORT YOU? Anyway, you will owe me =

AND then we have Dad’s stroke. Now how much was that? Although sis did share 50%. Shall we say =

Then he died. And, out of sentimentality, you went and ordered a 4-piece band just to play for him? Without even asking me? And funeral expenses, that’s another =

Yes, even minus the ‘pak kum’ money.

NOW, about your back pain. The medication and scanning and what-not for another 10 years? 50% =

Don’t forget, for a while we were financing that Ipoh house which only one person is staying now (ya selfish you!). I think for several years. That’s =

We might as well count the totally un-necessary trips to Ipoh because one stubborn mother refuses to move in with his son. Petrol + toll x 1 trip per year for 20 years =

HOW about future household appliances, repair, painting and so on?

I think we should stop just about here since it is already more than the 70k I’m supposed to owe you.

SO HOW?

12,000.00

80,000.00

25,000.00

10,000.00

6,000.00

15,000.00

20,000.00

5,000.00

So STOP telling me I owe you and your EPF is empty because of me. You could just STOP, SAY NO OR WHATEVER. You were an adult then, you can MAKE HARD DECISIONS. WHY YOU SO CHILDISH NOW? SECOND CHILDHOOD IS IT?

HALLO, GROW UP already DEAREST MUM. AND SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.

UH…IT’S like NOT FUNNY any more.

fishing & phising

2011-07-05T17:50:00.000-07:00

What is phishing?
Phishing - a play on the word "fishing" - is an attempt to steal your password and private account info. Phishers can set up fake web sites that look like those of trusted companies like Yahoo! to trick you into disclosing your user name and password. To learn more about phishing, visit the Yahoo! Security Center.
How does a sign-in seal protect me?
A sign-in seal is a secret between the computer you set it up on and Yahoo!. So when you sign in to Yahoo! from this computer, your sign-in seal tells you that you're seeing a genuine Yahoo! site, not a phishing site.
Why do I have to set up a seal on each computer I use?
Your sign-in seal is associated with your computer, not your ID. It is a convenient way to instantly recognize a genuine Yahoo! sign-in page and be sure that you're not on a page created by fraudsters attempting to steal your Yahoo! ID and password. Because we associate your sign-in seal with your computer, after you create a seal, there are no additional steps to signing in. Even if a phisher knows or guesses your ID or other personal information, they cannot use it to discover your sign-in seal. Note: Yahoo! will never ask for your Yahoo! ID or password in order to set up or display your sign-in seal.
What if I share this computer with family or friends?
If they use Yahoo! too, you should show them the sign-in seal you're creating for this computer. Even better, create a sign-in seal together so that everyone will be happy to use and recognize the seal.
What about public computers?
Always use care when signing in on public computers, such as those located in libraries or Internet cafes. Administrators at these locations may create sign-in seals to help you identify Yahoo! on these machines, but you should not replace one of these seals with your own. It's best to rely on other methodsto ensure you're signing in to a genuine Yahoo! site.
Will this sign-in seal protect me on sites other than Yahoo!?
No. The sign-in seal that you create here will only appear on Yahoo! sign-in screens. For more information about how to protect yourself online no matter where you are, see the Yahoo! Security Center.
What if I don't see my sign-in seal?
You could be on a fraudulent site, but there might be other reasons why you can't see it. For example, someone else who uses your computer may have deleted or changed your seal. The cookies or files that identify your seal may have also been deleted from your computer.

BAKARMERAH@WORPRESS.COM is dead

2011-07-05T16:22:00.000-07:00

1. so there i was happliy blogging away at wordpress.

2. and then shit happened. . .oooh who's that dish spreading her thighs on my left. . .how ya doin' girl. . .u got a boyfriend lang lui?

3. anyway, on with da story. . .they (the wordpress ppl) went n changed my password. . .how do you like that?

4. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

5. and more grrr. . . = 5. and more grrr. . . (in webding lingo)

6. fuck lah, who cares. . . i got other blogs you know or not?

7. some more hor, this blogger spot site is much, much easier to blog. . .u see can upload pictures some more. . .

8. although wordpress is much more snootier of course...ahhh lah, who the fook cares lah . . . at least ah zhang, pictured on my right here, is happy; she looks happy or is it pensive? wtf, just enjoy looking at her cleavage lah. . .

how my wife cut off my balls and other similar amazing stories

2011-07-05T15:04:00.000-07:00

1. You don't believe izzit?

2. Well, it's true!

3. THIS is how it went:

4. I needed a bike to get into opis early.

So I, we discussed.

5. AFTER much arguing, hoo-ing, haa-ing, begging (oh yeah believe it), she finally relented with, "...IF a bike can make u satisfied, go get it lahhh..."

6. Woo hoo. so off i went and plonked down 800 buckaroos for a 23,800 kawasaki klx 250. WOO HOOO.

7. Uh...NOT so fast my boyo.

8. Yep, true to form..she changed her mind

. Standard, typical screamer: "You don't understand me lah, after 10 years with you...you still d

on't understand me, ya dah ya dah...blah, blah.

9. So no bike. Or no marriage.

10. THAT WAS WHEN I FELT A COLD, SHARP PAIN DOWN UNDER. THAT WAS WHEN I FELT A NEAT, CLEAN SLICE OFF MY BALLS.

11. THE picture u see here is NOT my wife, she is the witch sista. SHe made me a foul pack of: "IF i hv a bike i kenot marry her sister!"

12. Dei THAT was yonks ago lah. Now, baby also cum out oredi. See da ugly pug. Ya da botak, pig-eyed smiling boy. THAT was our creation. Now can die happy liao kwaaah? So can buy bike and kill myself kwah? Just top up da accid

ent insurance if scared i'll die loh. I ONI scared half dead, like paralysed or some thing awful.

13. BUT here's da thing. ah, I've forgotten here's the thing.

14. OK just remembered "here's the thing".

15. Da ball-less man (am i still one?) xchanged me bike for a dog. On one fateful saturday (last week) i happily decided to get a pet dog (well, another pet dog, i oredi own a bulldogggie). Well, I wanted a lap dog yeah? Uh...a lap dancer would be even better, but since i'm no longer a man...you see my dilemma?

16. Anyway, moving on...i told my step dotters (u see those two giggling kiaps up there with the idiotic baby? yeah, that's them)

about my idea and off i went. Mid way to pet shop, wife calls up.

17. Yeah, yeah. Standard screamer. No bloody way you gonna get another dog! u know who will have to clean up after u. Look at your MoMo (that's the bully doggie woggie - now at least 10 yrs old, an old man by human standards!), look at how poorly he's being treated!

18. POORly treated? Oi, he's on lamb kibbles ya? THAT's $160 a bag woman1

19. MORE screaming.

20. EVEN more.

21. So i made a U turn home.

22. Sunday rolls along, she makes a deal. No bike, yes dog. Fuck, what the hell. already ball-less...take deal lah.

23. So now i own a miniature Schnauzer. All $1,800 of hi

m (was listed as $2,400, but motormouth me sweet talked ah choong to let him go at a slightly discounted price. That's 600 dollars off, some discount huh?). IF u want a cutie pie loved-to-death pet dog u can gib him a tinkle.

24. HERE's my shameless plug for my new pet friend: cHoonG 016 666 6939 or +603 7710 3393 (UpTown Pets Centre). Ask him to show you the big surgical scar down his chest. Awesome maan. THAt was when he was cut up after he met with a little car accident with a trailer lorry. BTW, he only do dogs. No hamsters, cats, guinea pigs, hedgehogs, rabbits. He has a grooming joint upstairs as well. And of course hotel for dogs. 50 bucks a day tho, not the usual 25 charge like ordinary kennels. Well, i guess he's entitled to. He feeds the boarders premium food n he lets them out of th

e cages for a run every day. So...do call him if u need a companion who won't cut off your balls (even after u marry them).

25. And, on that happy note, i leave you to lick your wounds n consider carefully before you even start to think of that mid-life crisis Harley.

26. Har Har. have a good, productive week. :)

27. ON THE RIGHT IS A WOMAN YOU BETTER NOT MESS WITH. CHOP, CHOP. SLICE, SLICE. OFF WITH DA BALLs!

Bersih 2.0 will hold its rally for electoral reforms in a stadium and not in the streets

2011-07-05T14:35:00.001-07:00

The group said today fresh from an audience with the Yang Di-Pertuan Agong in Istana Negara. “We accept the government’s offer to hold the demonstration in a stadium. We will not hold it in the streets,” Bersih 2.0 chief Datuk Ambiga Sreenevasan told reporters today.

NO HOLDS BARRED by Raja Petra Kamarudin

Datuk: Tan Sri!

Tan Sri: Calm down, Datuk….apa hal bising sangat ni?

Datuk: I have some good news, Tan Sri.

Tan Sri: Ah, what is it this time? Ambiga has migrated and has applied for Australian citizenship?

Datuk: No lah, Tan Sri. Better than that.

Tan Sri: What can be better than Ambiga leaving Malaysia?

Datuk: The BERSIH march is off…cancelled…batal.

Tan Sri: Hmm…that is certainly good news. How come?

Datuk: Ambiga had an audience with the Agong this afternoon and BERSIH has agreed to cancel the street march and hold a rally in the stadium instead.

Tan Sri: His Majesty agreed to meet Ambiga?

Datuk: Yes.

Tan Sri: So that means His Majesty recognises BERSIH?

Datuk: Looks like it.

Tan Sri: So that means we can’t ban BERSIH then.

Datuk: Why not, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: Aiyah...if His Majesty had an official meeting with BERSIH this would mean His Majesty recognises BERSIH.

Datuk: So?

Tan Sri: So it means we can’t ban BERSIH. If not then His Majesty would be guilty of collaborating with an illegal organisation and we would have to arrest His Majesty under the Internal Security Act.

Datuk: Oh…I never thought of that.

Tan Sri: Yes…and that’s why you are a mere Datuk while I am a Tan Sri.

Datuk: That also means we cannot allege that BERSIH is backed by the Communists and Jews. If not then His Majesty would be guilty of working with the Communists and Jews.

Tan Sri: Now you are getting it. So how can that be good news?

Datuk: Didn’t His Majesty think of this? Aiyah…why so stupid?

Tan Sri: Hey, that is seditious. You can’t call the Agong stupid.

Datuk: No, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it was stupid of us to allow the Agong to meet Ambiga.

Tan Sri: But we dragged the Agong into this. So how can we prevent the Agong from meeting BERSIH?

Datuk: Ia lah. We made a big mistake in issuing that statement from the Agong.

Tan Sri: Hey! Cakap baik sikit!

Datuk: Sorry, I meant we made a big mistake in asking the Agong to issue that statement.

Tan Sri: That’s better. Don’t ever say we issued that statement on behalf of the Agong.

Datuk: Okay lah, but at least the street march is off…now it’s been reduced to just a rally in a stadium.

Tan Sri: How many people do you think will attend the rally?

Datuk: Not sure. Maybe 100,000…could even be 200,000. Now that it is no longer an illegal assembly and there is no danger of arrests many more people may turn out. Those who were initially afraid to turn out may now turn out since it is safe. Mana tahu? Could even be 300,000 people.

Tan Sri: How would 300,000 people park their cars at the stadium?

Datuk: Oh, cannot lah. There is not enough car park space for 300,000 people. They will have to park their cars elsewhere and walk to the stadium…or take public transport.

Tan Sri: So, to get to the stadium they will have to walk, right?

Datuk: That’s right.

Tan Sri: Which means they will be marching to the stadium instead of marching to the Agong’s palace, right?

Datuk: Yes, that’s right…oh…I see what you mean.

Tan Sri: Yes, that’s what I mean. So the march is still on then. Only now it is a legal march, not an illegal march. And they will march to the stadium instead of to the palace. And we can’t do anything about it because the Agong has agreed to this. We can no longer arrest the marchers.

Datuk: Aiyah! This is a disaster. We got tricked. What to do, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: What can we do? His Majesty has just given BERSIH legitimacy and it has been agreed that a legal rally can be held in the stadium and because of the huge crowd that may turn out they cannot drive to the stadium but will have to march there dressed in yellow shirts.

Datuk: Mampus!

Tan Sri: Yes, mampus. This is even worse. At least if they proceeded with the original plan we can ban BERSIH and declare it a menace to society and a threat to nation security. Now we can’t touch them. We can’t even arrest anyone on 9th July. And because the rally is legal more people will come out. They are not scared any more. And Umno Youth and PERKASA can’t march on the streets in opposition to BERSIH. If they do we will have to arrest them.

Datuk: Alamak. We can’t touch the BERSIH marchers but will have to arrest the Umno Youth and PERKASA marchers. And Khairy already said if BERSIH cancels the street march he is prepared to work with them. So Umno Youth must now support the BERSIH rally at the stadium.

Tan Sri: Exactly. Now you know why I am a Tan Sri and you are just a Datuk?

Datuk: And that means we can’t also ask the Agong to revoke Ambiga’s citizenship.

Tan Sri: Revoke citizenship for what? For obeying the Agong by cancelling the street march and by holding a rally at the stadium like how Najib asked them to?

Datuk: Somehow I think we have been had…suckered big time.

Tan Sri: Aiyah…please get out of here and leave me alone. I need to draft my resignation letter.

Datuk: What should I do, Tan Sri?

Tan Sri: I suggest you also go draft your resignation letter. Najib will want both our heads on a silver platter after this.

brain drain

2010-10-05T03:45:00.000-07:00

By LIZ GOOCH

Published: October 1, 2010

REPRINTS

KUALA LUMPUR — With its dazzling skyscrapers, bright lights and ubiquitous symbols of modernity, Singapore has long worked its magic on Rachel Liew, 20.

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Even as a young girl visiting the city-state with her family from her nativeMalaysia, Singapore’s clean streets, convenient public transportation and modern lifestyles made a lasting impression.

As Ms. Liew grew older, she came to believe that Singapore could also offer a better education than her homeland, and in 2008, she packed her bags and headed south across the border to pursue a degree in mechanical engineering at Nanyang Technological University.

“I might return to Malaysia if I had a really good job offer there, which I think would be unlikely, or if I eventually get married to a Malaysian who wants to live in his hometown,” said Ms. Liew, one of about 700,000 Malaysians living abroad. “But other than that, I think I would probably settle down in Singapore.”

That is exactly the kind of sentiment Malaysia’s policy makers are desperate to change.

Many Asian nations have long been concerned about the outflow of human capital to more developed countries, but here in Malaysia, the need to address the problem has assumed a new urgency in the final decade for reaching its long-established goal of becoming a developed country by 2020.

Companies have long complained about a shortage of skilled labor in Malaysia, and economists say it is severely affecting the country’s ability to attract more high-technology industries. The government is acutely aware of the shortage in skills and the potential hurdle it poses to the country’s 2020 goal.

“We don’t get it right, we are in serious trouble,” the human resources minister, S. Subramaniam, said during an interview.

Studying and working overseas have long been considered attractive options for those Malaysians who can afford to make the move. About half of those living abroad can be found in neighboring Singapore. Australia, Britain and the United States are also popular.

Robert K. Chelliah, who runs an Australian immigration agency in Perth, with offices in Kuala Lumpur and Singapore, said by phone that the number of Malaysians contacting his company with inquiries about moving to Australia had soared 80 percent since 2008.

“In the last two to three years, the motivation to acquire Australian permanent residency has sharply increased across all age sectors as well as across racial backgrounds,” he said.

Like Ms Liew, most of the seven people interviewed for this article said that better education, wages and career opportunities could be found abroad, while parents wanted to ensure that their children received an internationally recognized education in English.

Many interviewees, when asked about their concerns about returning to Malaysia, cited racial tensions and the country’s affirmative action policy, which gives special privileges to ethnic Malays, who make up 60 percent of the population. The government has recognized the need to change the policy, which was introduced in the 1970s to improve the economic standing of Malays, who were more highly represented among the nation’s poor than its Chinese and Indian minorities.

Prime Minister Najib Razak has repeatedly emphasized that affirmative action would be made “market-friendly, merit-based, transparent and needs-based” under the country’s latest plan, the New Economic Model, which is designed to steer Malaysia toward its development goals. Ethnic Malays, or bumiputras, still benefit from privileges like discounted housing, and some government contracts are available only to companies they control.

A Malaysian Chinese businessman, who left Malaysia for Canada as a university student in the 1970s and stayed there, said that because of the policy, only a handful of his Malaysian Chinese classmates who also studied abroad had returned to Malaysia. Several other Malay and non-Malay interviewees also described the system as unfair.

Danny Quah, a professor of economics at the London School of Economics and Political Science, says that the brain drain has had a huge effect on the country’s economic and industrial development.

U WANT TO FOLLOW WHICH LAW?

2010-09-27T02:20:00.000-07:00

“In states where the majority are Muslims, Islamic law can be implemented. In states where non-Muslims form the majority, it will be up to the non-Muslim party ruling the state, but at the same time the non-Muslim leader would allow syariah to be applied to Muslims there.” -- Abdul Hadi Awang

NO HOLDS BARRED BY Raja Petra Kamarudin

LINK:
http://malaysia-today.net/mtcolumns/no-holds-barred/34774-remember-what-ustaz-hadi-said-in-november-2003

It looks like the PAS supporters are hot and bothered about my criticism of its youth leader.

Well, that’s good. Someone has to play the role of the devil’s advocate although some are calling me the devil or Satan rather than the devil’s advocate.

Below is the Q&A of the press conference held by the PAS President, Dato' Seri Abdul Hadi Awang, on Wednesday, 12 November 2003, after the launching of the blueprint on the introduction of Islamic laws in Malaysia -- a.k.a. the ISD or the Islamic State Document.

Due to the ISD, DAP broke away from the opposition coalition, Barisan Alternatif, and five months later the opposition got massacred in the general elections.

I am not going to comment on what Ustaz Hadi said in his Q&A below other than he at least made the issue clear compared to how the PAS Youth leader talks. I just want to bring to your attention (and remind these PAS people) what was done and said seven years ago and which proved a disaster for the opposition.

My question to Mustaffa Ali (my neighbour of about 20 years) then was: do you want to win the elections and form the next federal government or do you want to propagate Islam?

His reply was: propagate Islam.

I was also told that PAS is not concerned about whether it wins the general elections or not as long as it can use the ‘political platform’ to propagate Islam. By using the political platform PAS would be able to talk about Islam, they explained, otherwise PAS would have no platform to stand on to talk about Islam.

If this is true and if it is still the policy of PAS then the party must declare this to the voters. PAS should be honest about its intentions -- that is it wants to talk about Islam and not to win elections. Then the voters can decide whether to vote for PAS or not. Or else PAS is being dishonest and is taking the voters for a ride.

I wrote years back that these types of PAS leaders should get out of politics and concentrate on doing missionary (dakwah) work and let the politicians do the job of winning elections and of changing the government.

PAS has to be clear on what it wants and this mission and vision statement must be made public. If not then PAS is not an honest party.

The problem is, I am talking about the reality of politics and about winning the general elections and about changing the government. PAS, however, is talking about saving my soul and about making sure I get to go to heaven and not to hell. We are on two different wavelengths here. Malays would say: macam ayam dengan itek bercakap.

********************************************

What is the most significant difference between what you are expounding through your document and what the Barisan Nasional government has been doing?

The most significant thing is that under the Barisan government, Islam is ruled. What we want is for Islam to rule. We will let the power of Islam rule.

We will not follow the narrow view of Islam where Islam is only one aspect of the country, while what we are expounding is that a country is only one aspect of Islam, which is all encompassing.

You said that your Islamic state document accepts the existing Federal Constitution but with the necessary amendments. What are some of the amendments?

The first thing which needs to be clarified is the word “Islam” which is mentioned in the Constitution.

PAS was involved in giving its views through the memorandum which was hastily drawn up by the Reid Commission just before Independence and was part of the other Islamic groups which pushed for the inclusion of Islam in the Constitution. The problem was that the Reid Commission interpreted Islam according to their understanding.

We have our own understanding of Islam which is different from that of the Commission. The time has come for the word “Islam” in the Constitution to be interpreted accurately in accordance to the Quran and the Sunnah.

Secondly, the word “syariah” which is now placed under the jurisdiction of the states is subjected to limitations. These limitations will have to be amended.

Although the Constitution has undergone several amendments, it does not give power to Islam and syariah.

So the amendment will allow syariah law to be applied in states?

The amendment will allow syariah to apply at both state and Federal levels.

What will be the difference between the syariah law at Federal and state levels?

The amendment will make the Federal and state levels consistent.

We can retain the existing Federalism concept. We realise that there are states where Muslims are not the majority and Federalism is very suitable under such circumstances.

In states where the majority are Muslims, Islamic law can be implemented. In states where non-Muslims form the majority, it will be up to the non-Muslim party ruling the state, but at the same time the non-Muslim leader would allow syariah to be applied to Muslims there.

You said the dualism in the existing legal system would be retained. Do you mean that there will be two sets of laws, one for Muslims and one for non-Muslims?

Yes. That is allowed by the Quran. The Quran allows those who are not Muslims to practise the laws of their own religion and the laws which they choose for themselves.

At the same time, Muslims would be practising laws of their own.

That means non-Muslims will not be subjected to hudud?

Yes. Yes.

You said you welcome comments on your document from everyone. Does that mean the Islamic State concept is not final as far as PAS is concerned?

For us, it is final. What is important is for us to explain. In terms of principle, it is final. On principles which may not be clear, we accept questions and we will explain. On issues which are not part of the principles, we can have common understanding when it comes to implementation.

What is the reaction of the other opposition parties?

We have had initial discussions with those parties where our co-operation is political for the purpose of facing elections. At the same time, we respect the policies, principles and the struggle of each individual party.

You said an Islamic state would emphasise meritocracy. What would happen to the existing policies which give focus to bumiputras such as quotas?

The reality today is that the majority of the poor are bumiputras. Hence, for the initial period, focus will be on the bumiputra.

There may be a situation in the future that the bumiputras will overcome their problems, and the Indians become the majority of the poor. Then, it will be the responsibility of the country to look after the Indian community.

Maybe the Chinese who have been rich for a long time suddenly become bored with their wealth and turn poor. Then, it will become our responsibility to protect the Chinese.

It will depend on the situation. We are not disposing off with the term bumiputra.

What do you mean by saying that the Islamic state emphasises on meritocracy?

Justice is dispensed to anyone who is entitled to it. It is in terms of wealth, education and others.

Does that mean PAS will remove quotas?

That will depend on developments. Quotas are something which cannot be decided upon now.

Does that mean the special rights which are provided for by the Constitution will be amended?

It will continue to be used until the time when the Malays can stand on their feet. Then, it will no longer be needed. There may be a time when other races are weak. Islam prohibits the exploitation of people who are weak.

Will the existing monarchy system be changed?

The Quran maintains the monarchy system of government and also recognises a non-monarchy system. Both systems are recognised by the Quran. The prophets Daud and Sulaiman were kings.

At the same time, Islam requires the establishment of the khilafah (a leadership which is responsible for establishing Islam as the religion and in governing of the state).

What is important is that there is implementation of justice, the spirit of musyawarah (consultation) is present, and within musyawarah, there is democracy.

It is stated that non-Muslims will be allowed to enjoy the rights of their own beliefs and practices. Does this mean that things like gambling and drinking will not be banned?

This has already happened in Terengganu and Kelantan where before we enforce these laws, we hold a dialogue with the non-Muslims and ask them what their religion said about those practices.

When they say their religion also forbade those practices, we will then ban them outright. If their religion allowed those practices, then it will be allowed.

Gambling is forbidden by all religions, so we have banned it. But with drinking and eating pork, there are religions which allow these practices, so they are allowed.

What happens when a crime which is committed involved both Muslims and non-Muslims? For example, what would happen if a non-Muslim killed a Muslim?

Under such a situation, it would be up to the victim of injustice to choose the law. Or the judiciary will have to make a decision on what kind of law will be applied.

Furthermore, for the non-Muslim, there is already a punishment for murder. There are similarities with Islamic law although it is based on the Penal Code.

What about for offences like khalwat (close proximity) or zina (adultery)?

The Muslim will be punished according to hudud while the non-Muslim will be punished according to the law he or she chooses.

Please do not regard this as unfair. According to the teachings of Islam, Muslims who have been punished according to hudud will not be cast into hell in their hereafter. Those who have not been punished by hudud, they will be sent to hell despite being punished under laws that are non-hudud.

That is why Muslims are satisfied with such a situation.

It was stated that the ruler would be a Muslim? Do you mean the King or the Prime Minister has to be Muslim?

Yes. The King and the Prime Minister will have to be Muslim. This is the usual practice throughout the world. A communist country will not choose an American to be president. When the Republican Party wins in the US, they will not choose a Democrat to be president.

If it is Islam that rules, then a Muslim will be the head of state. But the Cabinet can be made up of non-Muslims. This is something which is allowed in Islam.

One more thing is that Islam is not tied up with ethnicity. If there is a Muslim non-Malay who is considered influential and fulfil all requirements of the religion, he can become the head of state.

In fact in history, the rulers of Islamic countries were not always Arabs. The Ottomans were Turks. Mamelukes were former slaves. Where in Western history have you seen an ex-slave becoming leader of a country?

What would be the role of non-Muslims in the Islamic state which you hope to establish? Would they have a role?

Among the roles would be executive, legislative, and others. Non-Muslims can be members of the Cabinet and the administration. They can even be members of Parliament and have a voice and give views. They can be community leaders representing their own communities.

What do you mean by 'the syariah will be the supreme law of the land'?

As the laws are based on the Quran and Sunnah, that means syariah is supreme. But this does not mean everything is rigid. There will be matters which are “movable” and those which are “immovable.”

What are immovable are the principles. But there are things, which are movable such as time, culture as well as laws and these will depend on the opinions of Islamic jurors.

But as stated earlier, Muslims will be totally subjected to Islamic law while non-Muslims will be subjected to laws of their own religion.

There will be rules which will apply to all, and those which will only apply to parts of the community.

What about atheists?

For those without a religion, there will be laws. There are laws which are connected with religion, and there are those which are applied generally, such as traffic laws, where a green light means everyone can move. These concern public interest and morals.

Why do you think non-Muslims will trust that the contents of this document today will be implemented and that there will not be any “surprises”, such as the implementation of the kharaj (tax imposed on non-Muslims) in Terengganu?

You have to look at things practically when it comes to Terengganu and Kelantan. Kharaj is a new word which we introduced and many do not understand its meaning. It is connected to taxation. Muslims are required to pay zakat. Non-Muslims cannot be required to pay zakat because it has a spiritual aspect. That is why they have to pay tax. Tax in Arabic, it is call kharaj. It’s the same. Land tax is called kharaj. It is just a term.

How would this document help PAS in the coming general election?

To realise our aspirations in the general election would depend upon a manifesto which we will reveal to the people. It will depend on our common understanding between the various opposition parties.

The document on the Islamic state is more general.

Will there be other documents on the Islamic state after today?

As and when it is needed. If there are people who request any explanation in writing, we will do so.

There will also be those who require explanation through practice as there are matters in Islam which may be difficult to understand if it is in writing. And that will require us to be in power.

Set as favorite

Comments (23)

...
written by Davy McChester, September 27, 2010 14:10:45

First ,Abdul Hadi Awang and PAS should corral the people of Kelantan within Kelantan and go all out on the application of their hudud and Sharia laws on Kelantan. Do not allow their citizens to move to other States or cross over to Thailand.. Do that for 20 years ? During the 20 years encourage the people of Kelantan not to be envious of other States or start a Jihad against others even when Kelantan becomes miserably poor despite Allah keeping a 24 hours watch over them.. Abdul Hadi Awang should seek the advice of tyrants from Somali ,Pakistan, Iran ,Saudi Arabic and all other countries managed by Allah's laws.
It did not work then it would not work now ,especially now in the age of technology and individual freedom and the right to believe or not to believe in religion.. But one will be very certain : it would produce brainless bunch of howling foot-soldiers destroying themselves to keep Awang hadi in power .

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written by alphabetagamma, September 27, 2010 13:43:53

A message for RPK: We read somewhere that in the University of Malaya (Singapore) records when Mahakutty was a medical student there, this Mahakutty was recorded as an Indian. With your vast source of information, hope you can somehow retrieve that record and post it here in Malaysia Today for all Malaysians to see the real Mahakuty. Please.

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written by ibabonma, September 27, 2010 13:06:58

"...do you want to win the elections and form the next federal government or do you want to propagate Islam?"

When Pas is really in power and in total control of Parliament then Pas can do anything she likes and do the unthinkable say, banning DAP, MCA, MIC, Gerakan and have hudud and what not.

Therefore, form the government first ..... Jangan jadi Mat Jenin. Orang tamak selalu rugi.

...
written by bintikdebu, September 27, 2010 11:04:00

Another beautiful quote, "Justice dies when dehumanized, no matter how exactly it may be exercised. Justice dies when deified, for beyond all justice is God's compassion. The logic of justice may seem impersonal, yet the concern for justice is an act of love."

...
written by bintikdebu, September 27, 2010 11:01:24

A quote from "The Prophets" by Abraham Heschel, "The fact that filled the prophets with dismay was not the absence of adequate laws, but the absence of righteousness. Judges were active in the land, but their judgments were devoid of righteousness. The prophets were shocked not only by acts of injustice on the part of scoundrels but also by the perversion of justice on the part of the notables. When warped and garbled, justice yields strife and distrust."

...
written by earthman, September 27, 2010 07:55:47

The mission of all Muslims are the same whether they from PAS or Umno or PKR or DAP, that is to propagate Islam and implement syariah laws. So non Muslims beware whom you support . If PAS were to come into power or share power with DAP , there is going to be a big conflict and disorder, as PAS would used all its influences and power to overthrow and subdue the DAP or PKR . Dont be deceived by the sweet words of PAS or any Islamic authority. This warning had been given to the west already. If we failed to stop the advancement of Islam , we are all doom to be suppressed under the Muslim clerics where there is no more freedom for other beliefs and practice. This is the truth.
Love the Muslims but reject Islam. Let love reign our lives and nation and not any religion. The Truth shall set us free. There is no other way but the Way and the Truth .

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written by a guest, September 27, 2010 02:15:07

Hudud is medieval and inhuman, 'they' say. These same 'they' say Singapore which implements the death penalty and has the highest per capita death penalty in the world is the greatest government in the universe and LKY is the greatest human being of all time in the universe. Idiots.

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written by usurper, September 27, 2010 00:43:19

This Hadi is talking cock like how Iblis Ali is taking now. Syariah law or Civil Law or no Law. You cant mix it because these fools have not the ability to understand the complicity that a human mind has in screwing up the 2 laws. If a muslim bonks non-Muslim out of wedlock it is khalwat for Muslim but syiok for non-muslim; is this fair? If married muslim bonks unmarried non-Muslim it is adultery for Muslim but it is syiok for non-muslim; is this fair. If Muslim bonks Christian by lying that he/she is not muslim and christian want to sue Muslim for lying can Christian take Muslim to civil court? Or if Muslim bonks Christian who lied that he/she is Muslim can Muslim take Christian to Syariah court? Can Hindu bonk Christian and have a baby out of wedlock and subsequently convert to be Muslim and wants baby but Christian wants baby to be a Christian then would the case be heard in Syariah or civil court? Might be Hadi can tell us who to bonk, when to bonk and how to bonk or we choose the religion first before bonking and then after bonking. It is truly mystifyingly bumiputraing law. Genting would Goh with Lim, 4Ekor would be Vincents last ekor. DaMaCai will have no MaCai when Hadi's Islamic Law is in place. All bullshitting in the name of GOD.

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written by DPG, September 27, 2010 00:09:47

Quote: "The most significant thing is that under the Barisan government, Islam is ruled. What we want is for Islam to rule. We will let the power of Islam rule".

Well, for this to happen, then God has to take over as the PM, otherwise then PAS leaders will be ruling on behalf of God! Have these PAS leaders obtained the mandate from God to rule on HIS behalf? If they have obtained his mandate(officially), I will be the first to accept PAS' Islamic state. Otherwise, please don't play God.

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written by syd, September 26, 2010 23:41:28

Better for Dr dzul, PAS MP for kuala selangor to change party if majority of PAS leaders are like this.

-3

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written by chee khiaw, September 26, 2010 23:27:57

Thieves or idiots from the dark ages...first world choices

-4

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written by Pakyeh, September 26, 2010 22:24:26

First things first. PAS.
Get into power first.!!!
If you have to forgo hudud to get into power,then by all means forgo it.!!!
You have to play the popularity game to get into power.!!!
Chose a popular manifesto like anti corruption and Welfare State.!!!

When you are in power people will listen to you better.!!!
Then only can you implement the hudud or kentut Law. !!!
That too if the rakyat agrees to it.!!!
This is Democracy. The rakyat is the real power.!!!.
Let the rakyat decide whether they want hudud or not.!!!
You cannot force hudud down their throat.!!!

I really hope the "Pimpinan Ulama" of PAS will understand this political strategy.. They all fail their science and Maths lah. Thats why they are very slow t understand.!!!

Please PAS Ulama get educated in political science and economics.!!!
Otherwise you will be like ship Captains who have never seen the sea.!!!.

...
written by Voter get Voters 1, September 26, 2010 20:52:38

Off topic again:
Dearest Pete.
ON YOUR 60TH BIRTHDAY (27th Sept), MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY!!
You do not know me but like millions of Msians, we all know you. You selflessly fight for A BETTER Malaysia for ALL Malaysians , otherwise you and your family could easily have had a wealthy and comfortable life if not for your political righteousness. You sacrifices your own and your family well being for our sakes and of the nation. You are fighting not for yourself but for ALL Malaysians even thou you can easily forsaken us Malaysians and for that we salute you.
You are like Robin Hood out to catch those Robbing Crooks and Marina being faithful Mariam and hopefully we ALL can be your side kick Merry Men/gals.
We love and salute you and pray God keep you all safe, happy and healthy, God Bless Msia's No 1 HERO. We Malaysians are truly indebted to you
Happy Birthday Pete HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Lastly I just want to say this: There is only 1 God and there is only 1 Raja ... that is Raja Petra Kamarudin

...
written by Buayanegara, September 26, 2010 20:04:34

If the implementors of HUDUD are genuine there should be no problem. Hundreds of umno heads will row !!!

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written by Wally, September 26, 2010 19:45:33

Talk of introducing a medieval system of punishment into Malaysia as a deterrent against committing crimes (Hudud) demonstrates precisely why non-Muslims in the West are wary of Islam encroaching upon them. Because if moderate Malaysia is thinking seriously about this, then the more radical Islamic countries would soon take up the call too!

Not only is the Hudud concept outdated, but when similar inhumane punishments abounded in Europe centuries ago, they patently failed to bring about the desired results. Any high school student is aware of that.

Yes, I know certain States in the USA still believe that the death sentence is a respectable punishment for human beings to inflict upon other human beings, but it's no coincidence that most of those States can be found in the so-called "Bible Belt" region of the USA. It's religion rearing its ugly head again! And I'm supposed to believe that because people "do religion" they are automatically nicer than those who profess no religion? Where is there any proof of that? Certainly none at all once those religious bigots have opened their mouths and spoken! What's worse, cutting off limbs and heads is all done in God's name! Give me a break, please!

Frankly, the thing that frightens me most about religion is that religious bigotry is inevitably lurking just around the corner whenever you meet a crowd of the so-called religiously enlightened! And having to suffer the sanctimonious outpourings of such self-proclaimed saints is enough to make any sane person want to vomit!

Anyway, what is the point of threatening Hudud at this stage of Malaysia's development? Is PAS deliberately setting out to intimidate the non-Muslims in Malaysia, hoping they will run away with the threat of Hudud hanging over their heads? Because surely the PAS leaders know full well that, when it comes to the crunch, nobody with an ounce of sense in his/her head would allow a return to the days of gore that preceded today's concept of a civilised society!

On the other hand, if all political parties in Malaysia don't start pulling their acts together soon but instead insist on playing the race and religion cards at every opportunity, I can only say that "Malaysia Truly Asia" could soon become "Malaysia A Truly Asian Malaise".

As RPK has rightly pointed out in another article: if this is the best PAS can do, then let it serve as a warning to all who support them that Malaysia could be headed straight to the pit of despair if people like that were allowed access to too much power!

...
written by roggon, September 26, 2010 19:34:21

Why are these 'muslims' so engrossed about going to heaven? Do you really think there is heaven and hell? Look, there are 2 facts that we know very well.

...
written by Voter get Voters 1, September 26, 2010 19:10:24

Off Topic:
As all of you are aware that umNO spared no efforts to hacked MT many times and we all were deprived of our usual dose of scandals,real news, I believe that it is a matter of time before umNO do real damages to MT with that few hundreds of Indian computer experts that Najis brought in personally to just do that.
I think we all should do our part by harvesting as many emails as possible and when the needs arises, we all can spread RPK's and MT messages and articles and even other bloggers Xposure to as many as possible and ask all to keep forwarding. NO HARM DONE TO HARVEST THOUSANDS OF EMAILS and be prepared to be use in the worst case scenario. I have harvested 7,000 and have keep them well informed. GE 13 is around the corner. Those who are too busy to sent emails...then forward those to me and I be happy to do the work as I am under employed : \n '> voter-get-voters@hotmail.com

...
written by Ocassey, September 26, 2010 18:30:27

The Muslim will be punished according to hudud while the non-Muslim will be punished according to the law he or she chooses.

Please do not regard this as unfair. According to the teachings of Islam, Muslims who have been punished according to hudud will not be cast into hell in their hereafter. Those who have not been punished by hudud, they will be sent to hell despite being punished under laws that are non-hudud.

That is why Muslims are satisfied with such a situation.
===========

Looks like there will NEVER be any Muslim to be found in hell ever ! Such "satisfactions" have created our nation and guided it to its present dire state ! If Malaysians continue to be "educated" the way the local schools are dishing out information and knowledge , it will be another 50 years of UMNO/BN rule !

Pleaselah , PAS ! This is the 21Century ! We love to eat crabs BUT WE CANNOT ACCEPT CRAPS !

...
written by a guest, September 26, 2010 18:08:08

Here comes again : The Malaysian Dilemna ...

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written by Ocassey, September 26, 2010 18:06:25

We only voted and will continue to do the same to vote PAS in Pakatan Rakyat during elections so long as the UMNO/BN is still in power . The reasons and flexibilities stated by PAS personnel in the above article cannot work out except in "Fairyland" . Voters have little alternatives but to temporarily co-operate with religious bigots and religious fanatics who will now "look" accommodating and flexible with a lot of "garnishing" served on the platter ! We know that in the near future all will be promises put aside, promises ignored, promises modified , promises non-applicable and promises postponed !

As it is there are differing "factions" within PAS ! We know ! There are those who will bind by similar faith ! There are those who will lean towards wealth and power ! There are those who will openly have zina with the nation's real enemy ! There are those who continue to identify by origins and race ! We are at present attracted to co-operate with PAS because there are influential few who are old yet humble and down-to-earth besides being honest , sincere and almost selfless ! We are also very taken-in by the young , farsighted few who are actually the ones who have made PAS acceptable by the non-Muslims !

We are willing to gamble and bet on PAS to TOGETHER rid the nation of Its NATIONAL NUMBER ONE ENEMY --UMNO/BN As we are very concerned as we witness with our very own eyes the ultimate death of the nation now in the hands of the devils !

So , PAS must not act like the common flu to appear and affect the RAKYAT at the wrong time when the enemy is the terminal disease that has been eating into every one of the RAKYAT for the past half a century !

...
written by samadhi8, September 26, 2010 17:40:47

Hmmm . . . . . So is that why there are no Christian political party, no Buddhist political party and no Hindu political party? Oh ......

...
written by panca, September 26, 2010 17:04:21

PAS has to be clear on what it wants and this mission and vision statement must be made public. If not then PAS is not an honest party.

This is what I was concerned when I commented about what is required of a leader to have not only thinking ability but clarity, otherwise without it, those mumbo jumbo would lead the whole lot confused and lost.

It's so silly and disheartening to see people losing confidence because contradictory statement. Please refrain making stupid mistake.

...
written by doggone, September 26, 2010 16:59:53

"...Where in Western history have you seen an ex-slave becoming leader of a country?" Of cos that was spoken by Hadi in 2003 before Obama became the President of the US.

Does that mean the Ustaz might change his views now and allow non-Malays into the highest realm of power? Now why are 8 out of 10 person here shaking their head in disagreement that he would?

I have no compunction if PAS wants to helm the government of the day should we take Putrajaya one day, only if they can run it with a global mindset and not try to think of chopping off heads and hands or finding an excuse to stone another women to death for khalwat. How do they expect to go to heaven if your thoughts are so narrow minded that the devil will have to think twice before accepting you in Hell cos you sure can't manage to even maintain the temperature gauge.

Hudud will have us nodding in approval if you first start with the corrupt inside the party and cut off their pinkie for a start. At least we know you're serious.

Penis size does matter!

2010-09-27T01:33:00.000-07:00

http://www.practicalfishkeeping.co.uk/content.php?sid=2251

The size of a male's penis is everything, at least according to some species of fish.

In a study to be published in a forthcoming issue of the journal Biology Letters, Andrew Kahn, Brian Mautz and Michael Jennions demonstrate that female Eastern mosquitofish (Gambusia holbrooki) spent longer time with males having longer gonopodia (intromittent organs).

The authors separated male mosquitofish into two size classes (small: less than 20 mm standard length and large: greater than 24 mm standard length). Within each size class, the gonopodia of all the males were experimentally shortened by cutting off the tips of the gonopodia to form a blunt-ended appendage.

Two forms of treatment were used: major and minor reductions, with the gonopodia undergoing major reduction being 15"17% shorter than those undergoing minor reduction.

Experiments were then conducted in which a male from each size class and treatment were placed in a compartmented test aquarium, and a single female fish was added to the aquarium.

The researchers measured the length of time the female spent associating with the male, with association defined as being less than 4 cm from the front of his compartment with her body oriented unambiguously towards him.

The authors found that, on average, females preferred to associate with large males with longer genitalia. They found female preference for longer genitalia to be absent when choosing between small males.

The authors conclude that more studies are needed on the effect of female choice on the evolution of male genitalia in poeciliids, but "cannot confirm whether female mate choice generates stabilising and/or directional selection with respect to the current average male genitalia length, because treatment males only had their genitalia shortened. At present, we lack a technique to experimentally lengthen the gonopodia of free-swimming males."

For more information, see the paper: Kahn, AT, B Mautz and MD Jennions (2009) Females prefer to associate with males with longer intromittent organs in mosquitofish. Biology Letters, doi: 10.1098/rsbl.2009.0637.

Published: Dr Heok Hee Ng Monday 30 November 2009, 12:00 am
Views: 1,102 times
Filed under: freshwater weird breeding penis

it is my hero's birth day and this is what he wrote:

2010-09-27T00:47:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much

Monday, 27 September 2010

My time on earth is no longer mine. This time does not belong to me. It belongs to my children and grandchildren and their children and grandchildren yet to be born.

Raja Petra Kamarudin

I was born just after midnight UK time 60 years ago. That would be around 7.00am Malaysian time. But already I am receiving loads of birthday wishes.

As I would probably not be able to reply to all your messages, as there are just so many, I would like to thank everyone here in this article for the birthday wishes you sent me and are continuing to send me even as I write this article. I don’t want anyone saying that I am sombong and am ignoring your messages.

My father who was born on 1st July 1925 died on 4th August 1971 at the age of 46. My mother who was born on 11th February 1933 died on 5th November 1980 at the age of 47. The fact that today I am celebrating my 60th birthday means I have been given ‘extended time’, which I certainly must be very grateful for.

This ‘extended time’ does not belong to me. Going by the ages that my parents died I too should have gone a long time ago. And the fact that I am still around not only means I should be grateful I am still alive but that this ‘extended time’ should be used not for my benefit but for the benefit of the nation.

I have seen and done many things in my life. What I have experienced in my 60 years can fill two or more lifetimes for many people. At my age what more is there that I need? Even if I never wake up from sleep tomorrow there are no regrets because I have lived a full life. And if I do wake up then I have to ponder as to why I am still around and what I must do with the balance of my life.

My time on earth is no longer mine. This time does not belong to me. It belongs to my children and grandchildren and their children and grandchildren yet to be born.

I pray I get to see another ten years of life. If I get to see more than ten years that is more than I expect and hope for. Whatever it may be and whatever time I may have left, it is so that I can utilise this extra time in trying to make Malaysia a better place for those I leave behind.

The future belongs to the next generation. My job is to ensure that the next generation gets to enjoy life in a country that is conducive to a better quality of life. Quality of life is not about the number of years you live. Quality of life is not about the wealth that you procure. It is about a country free of persecution, discrimination and injustice and where the government respects the fundamental rights of its citizens.

How long we live is not important. Whether it is a short or long life is not crucial. It is what you do in that short time you spend on earth is what matters.

When I leave this world I shall not be able to leave my descendants money or riches because I am not a wealthy man. In fact, I am a declared bankrupt. But what I can leave them would be a legacy that we must always fight for justice and freedom and rise to the defence of the downtrodden. That, I believe, are virtues which even money cannot buy.

So, again, thank you so much for all those birthday wishes. And whether ten years from now you will still be wishing me happy birthday and whether I will still be saying thank you is not foremost in my mind. What is foremost in my mind is that even if I go tomorrow I would go knowing that I have helped plant the seed of dissent and have been able to teach Malaysians that we must never fear the oppression perpetuated by the government but rise and oppose oppression and make the government fear us instead.

Thank you, Malaysians. You are always in my heart and I hope I too will always be in yours long after I am gone and have become dust buried in the earth.

Comments (16)
...
written by jokersland, September 27, 2010 14:57:37

All of us are living on borrowed times on this universe. We will never know whether there is any tomorrow. Most of us will say, look at the positive side, take care what you eat. But I always say, eat what you like as long as you can eat. Give back as much as you could to the needy without them feeling indebted to us. I always like to joke with my Malay friends, "bila Tuan Allah panggil, kita akan balik"

Wish you a happy belated birthday and many happy returns of the day.

...
written by knilecin, September 27, 2010 14:57:22
YM RPK,

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday. We should be thanking you! For all you've done and sacrificed for M'sians. We pray for you and your family safety.

...
written by bintikdebu, September 27, 2010 14:50:51
Happy Birthday RPK and thank you so much for your service... you are a voice of hope in hopelessness, a ray of light in the midst of darkness. You are an example for all of us to follow.

"Be not weary and faint hearted, crying for peace... for Allah is with you!" (Muhammad 47:35)
"Let us do not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." (Gal. 6:10)

* +1

...
written by michael, September 27, 2010 14:49:28
Happy Birthday, RPK.

Your services are part of God's work. You will be granted a long, long life to fulfill God's wishes.

May you and your family members be blessed with abundance and be protected from harm.

Cheers!
michael

* +1

...
written by educationist, September 27, 2010 14:40:44
To have lived, and to have improved the quality of life of even a single being is one important quality to assess the greatness or otherwise of that being.
On that basis,RPK u towers over many of us!!

* +5

...
written by alfchuah, September 27, 2010 14:27:22
I wish I could give you a hug and heart-felt thank you. Reading you article just makes me tear up - I never realized there would be a Malaysian that I could be very very very proud of - and that person is you, Pete.

To another 10 years and more!!!

* +11

...
written by penangite, September 27, 2010 14:27:03
Happy Birthday, RPK. You have certainly brought a new dimension to the meaning of new politics in Malaysia.

* +7

...
written by truthbespoken, September 27, 2010 14:26:53
Dear RPK, thank you very much too. You have certainly brought much awareness to the people of Malaysia. You have in your own imitable way introduced a period of political awakening and brought on the courage and righteousness of fellow Malaysians to the forefront. Through your fearless thoughts and consistent actions you have successfully imparted the sense of unity and gelled the growing numbers of Malaysians who still have high hopes for a better Malaysia.

Dear RPK, you are the 180% opposite of former PM Mahakutty. At 60, you have single-handedly accomplished the type of Malaysian unity in which no other politician had been able to do. Whereas, at 85, Mahakutty is still trying his very best to segregate Malaysians. This is the difference between good and evil. You have learned much about mankind and still doing your level best for Malaysians. This cannot not be applied to Mahakutty. He is a complete failure as leader and person.

Dear RPK. may you have many more years to come. You need to see Malaysians through this uncertain period. Malaysians need you to fight along . Many Happy Returns of the day. Thank you again. Your name shall be chiseled in the annals of history as the man who changed Malaysia for the better. Cheers!

* +12

...
written by Oscar Winner, September 27, 2010 14:23:22
Happy Birthday Dear Pete, and many happy returns, from me and my family. We are forever indebted to you for all that you have done to raise the awareness of the rakyat about the regime ganas so that we can end the scourge which has caused sufferings to many for decades and make this country a better place to live in. I am certain that god has granted you extended time for a good reason. Like Tun Mamak's extended time which is to god's intention to showcase to the world what a satan can do to wreck a country and destroy the future of the human race. After the world finally learns about Tun Mamak's evil deeds, God will not allow another Tun Mamak to be born. Trust HIM.

According to medical reports, healthy humans can live till more than 100 if great care is taken in food intake and the air that we breathe, especially if both are free from toxins as much as possible. I cetainly hope you live till 100 and still sprightly while riding your motorbikes. On every bithday, we thank god we survive another year, but the harsh reality is we are another year closer to the grave. Let's all strive to leave behind a legacy for our children and theirs, too. Like I said before, I would like to bring my kids to meet you -- our great hero--- and say "give me a five". Therefore, stay safe and healthy till there's a new govt and return to meet my kids (forget about returning now). We look forward to your home coming

* +8

...
written by Ben, September 27, 2010 14:12:10
Many happy returns of the day, boss! You'll live to see many more years and despite the cold weather that is such a bother to old folks, you'll be back in sunny Malaysia soon. We look forward to warm hero welcome for you just like the prodigal son. Only difference is you are there continuing your good work and raising the awareness of our brothers and sisters studying there,

Father God, may You bless our brother, RPK, whom we love very much. May You protect and guide him and his family to do Your will on earth as it is in heaven. May you also grant him his wish to see Malaysia transform into the country that "would be a legacy that we must always fight for justice and freedom and rise to the defence of the downtrodden." In your precious name we ask all this. Amen.

* +16

...
written by alphabetagamma, September 27, 2010 14:11:39
RPK:" I don’t want anyone saying that I am sombong and am ignoring your messages."

RPK Hapy Birthday. Hope you don't mind us making a birthday wish on your behalf which is to see documentary proof that Mahakutty was documented as an INDIAN during his time as a medical student at UM (Singapore) . Please use your sources and resources to locate and upload here for all Malaysia Today readers to read and disseminate

Please please please birthday boy!!!!

* +12

...
written by JayJayPo, September 27, 2010 14:10:27
RPK.....keep in mind that you are only bankrupt monetary wise,but you certainly are rich in integrity and honesty which is a legacy your descendants can and will be truly proud of.
What you have done for our nation's well being in inspiring and waking up the Rakyat to claim back their country these last few years from the evil regime of UMNO/BN.....is your legacy to us Sir.

Have a great birthday with your loved ones and may God bless you with good health and happiness.

* +14

...
written by G-old man, September 27, 2010 14:10:11
RPK,

Happy 60th birthday . Naked we come , naked shall we go. While we live the balance of our life on this earth , let us help those unfortunate .

Even if our service or advice is not needed , let us hope and pray that this once blessed land will not be destroyed by our greedy and selfish politicians

* +11

...
written by youngbags, September 27, 2010 14:03:07
Happy birthday RPK. You are a living legend, nuff said.

* +9

...
written by panca, September 27, 2010 14:02:40
Happy Birthday Bro Pete,

You have been and still will be the best for us, we, the Rakyat look forward to meet you to hold you, hug you and shake your hands. Time never stop us from wanting, wishing for the best for Malaysia, it is you that we await your home-coming, in the very near future when change becomes very near, so near that the Rakyat shall make this very day realized - The Vote For Change is the vote from YOU. We owe that to you and our ourselves, our brothers and sisters of Malaysia.

We are with you, always. We love you dearly because you represent the People who needs change for the better. May you live a long long life. We shall see the change in the immediate future.

Happy Birthday to you and excellent health to all in the family.

Many Cheers!

* +13

...
written by syd, September 27, 2010 13:55:20
Oh pleeeze. Can you try and outlive and out work Dr M and LKY, the two pains in the arse guys who are still trying to beat death.

thank you Patrick and apologies from Niamah!

2010-09-20T00:21:00.000-07:00

As usual, my fave blogger takes the cake for observing the bolehland happenings n reporting it in his niamah style. So here he is in his majesty's fool glory (see below):

For the fool blown taste of niamah go to... http://niamah.blogspot.com/

Patrick Teoh found some really funny and laughable stories in The Star today (wednesday, september 08 2010)which he thought he wld share with you all gullible dudes n babes out there.

#1 Malaysia Day Musical in Kota Kinabalu

A grand musical is to be staged in KK this year to mark the first time Malaysia Day is celebrated as a national holiday. According to the report the musical is going to be "...conducted on three stages which would merge as one to symbolise the merger of Sabah, Sarawak and the peninsula for the formation of Malaysia". According to the State Tourism Culture and Environment Minister, Masidi Manjun, the event to be staged in the Padang Merdeka in Kota Kinabalu will cost RM1.5 million and feature a cast of 470.

What's the highlight of this million Ringgit musical on 3 stages?

The highlight is the signing of a special gold-coated commemorative book!!!

Don't know about you folks in KK but I sure won't be standing in line for tickets to that musical.

#2 UM drops from top 200 list of world ranking

The Star reports that Universiti Malaya has dropped from the top 200 of the prestigious 2010 QS World University Rankings - slipping to 207 this year compared to 180 in 2009. But the minister of Higher Education says, "We do not want to be obsessive about world rankings." Huh? Where's he been the last 20 years? We practically started the obsession with records trend. Remember the biggest songkok, the longest ketupat, the most number of people washing their hair in a shopping mall etc. etc. etc.? The YB also said in his wisdom that "We also cannot be 'ranked' against other universities whose 'conditions' and 'environments' are different from ours. It is like comparing apples with oranges".

Aiyoh! YB just say that we fucked up and will try our best to improve la. Like the Chinese saying goes you're like the man who's fallen on his face but still want to grab a handful of sand on your way back to your feet. And one more thing, even though UM is now #207 in the world rankings we're not ALL stupid enough to believe you.

#3 MAHB to probe how Wong boarded plane with snakes

This funny is actually not about the headline story but rather what's reported as part of the story. Anson Wong, the world famous wildife trafficker who was sentenced to jail for trying to smuggle snakes out of the country allegedly also owns 2 Bengal tigers which according to the report will eventually be housed in a reptile garden. I couldn't help smiling when I read that. Tigers in a reptile garden. That must be a first for Malaysia too.

#4 Ministry of WHAT???

Did you know that we have an Energy, Green Technology and Water Ministry? I didn't. Until today. Kementerian Tenaga, Technogi Hijau dan Air. Now there's a clumsy and potentially useless ministry if ever there was one. Some crony had to be given a job I guess.

#5 DVD charges deferred

Someone must have video'ed the PR flers holding their state assembly meeting under that famous tree in Ipoh (last year?). DAP fler Ong Boon Piow was caught with copies of the video in his possession. And the DVD videos did not have approval from the Film Censorship Board. Strange isn't it? Like Ong's counsel Kulasegaran said, "Does it mean that producing and distributing video's of ones wedding is also an offence?" Well, maybe if you got married in Ipoh, Perak it will be.

And the You Think We Are All Bloody Fools Ah? Award must surely go the Selangor PR's Teng Chang Khim. This Selangor Speaker has put his name on the benches and equipment of public parks in his constituency. That everything was Sumbangan Daripada Teng Chang Khim. His reason? He wanted the public to know that he was doing his part. He forgot that the facilities are paid for by the people and it is his sworn duty to serve his constituents. It is not his duty to tell his constituents, "Hey! This is from me ya?" Well, one thing that he did do I'm sure was to ensure that people don't vote for the guy they put their backsides on everyday.

NIAMAH!!!
Posted by patrickteoh at 9:54 PM 32 comments

http://niamah.blogspot.com/

what i get paid n what my son thinks of it

2010-08-31T17:28:00.000-07:00

so much moolah per mth ah...ya loh...i so smart ass whaaat...laugh some more la...

testing

oh dear me...it's getting hot around here

2010-08-31T16:56:00.000-07:00

my dotter cannot access the net. hmmm.

this made me think of youse

2010-08-22T14:13:00.000-07:00

CAUTION: the subject is SIZZLING hot, the urgent need to nip it, i mean them, in the bud

Dear sor Lor Man,

IF i may be honest n blunt.

R u pwetending to bee retarded or genuinely dumb. In other words hor, U is banyak stoopiak la u olang itu, u sometime-creative dialector. W-w-which part of Crient's massage u do NOt under the standing?

ReSearch means re search agin la. U search here, n then over there n then here again or even over there where that dicky fella is standing. U under standinG now?

n thAT instruction to use a cretin certain letter beginning with F is so important u need not ask: "why do we need to choose a word that starts with a specific letter?"

That one instruction hor....is what we (like me BuTt not youse Catholic types) famous n well-known n renowned kopi wliter call industry lunguage or jar gon (not dissimilar to a jar of jam or hair cream).

It is known, n i remind you to use it sparingly : ANAL RETENTIVE.

check out the corour, does it look like faeces? Well, when yr england not so high hor u make all sorts of comment just course u bloody can.

AND THAT IS MY TAKE ON ALL THE cOMMenTs. They even numbered their precious little fucking comments. fancy that?!!!??

And, and, aNd, anD...these r the rule-by-committee 9refer to any Ogilvy book n see wot he thinks of making decisions by committee). The most amazing miracle is tHaaaat these half-wit, retards (did i say they were retards a while back? well they r u know) are running our country's fall-down-from-the-sky resources. fooking bloody hell.

Hallo,

these r the same clowns who get the std lowered so that can graduate

these r the same clowns who sit next to me in lower six when i got in with Grade 1 n they had Grade III in M.C.E (O-levels)

these r the same jokers who got into the local University when I had 2 principals n 1 subsidiary in H.S.C. (A-levels) the std required to achieve a FULL Certificate and they breezed in with ONE principal n 2 subdiary

sigh.

cukup la, it's 5:58, gtg to get ready to travel to an Agency fool of these same sub-standard kulitf-ied n pretend to be the fool.

so much fun kan?

did ya know, we have a new ex-O&M CD as a new partner dna 360 degrees.

gud look to tat

On 18 August 2010 24:00, man, is he solo? wrote: wrote:

ok, can deliver the captions by thursday. but what research do you mean? to get new pictures? cos copy-wise, the changes are not drastic.

diamond

(re: calendar captions in the microsoft word file you mailed me)

i noticed in client's blue boxes (where changes are tracked) that they asked for some words to start with a specific letter! this is strange. why do we need to choose a word that starts with a specific letter ... unless we are doing an idea based on a crossword puzzle, where only specific letters are called for. please check out the blue boxes tha pop up when someone makes notes on the copy or deletes some words, then you'll see what i mean.

thanks!

On 18 August 2010 13:53, diamond koo wrote:

u have at least UNTIL THIS FRYday 20 08 2010 until 6-ish oso can laa... alot of freaking research to do laaaa...we only got 5 out of 15 buruk buruk approved...but not bad oso la, some got okay-ed w/o a single word change yay.

On 17 August 2010 08:38, mansole n low wrote:

ok diamond. i may need more than a day to get this done as i am rushing a couple of things at work.

thanks!

On 17 August 2010 04:41, diamond koo wrote:

Dear solo,

the Client has made comments on the caption and caring instruction as attached.

As for the President’s message, kindly re-write the copy based on a more generic brand new year message. Some pointers to include:

- This year, we are giving you a good, durable leather organiser

- a sign of our goodwill that we value our partnership and we thank you for your support to our organization

- long lasting organiser which suppose to last for 3 year ……..

You can refer to LV or moleskin’s website on how it is written.

Thanks,

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Diamond
Date: 11 August 2010 14:00
Subject: RE: Copy approval
To: "some body@an.email; any.body@peeMale.com.my; that.body@oily&dirty.com.gov.my; who.me@me.too.gov.my; decisionbycommitteeand we know what we are doing because we say.com.bigDECISIONtime.guv.my.and some say BATAM.oso.too; OIL.R.US@dirty.we.r.not.because.our president.says.so.that's why.n. that's dad.com.my

Okay. Will do radar...i was thniking u all had forgotten abt it. . .so long oredi leh.

I’m on M C ( my kidney stones came back!) till Fry Day but i’ll e-mail myself to do it at home.

BTW

Selamat Hari Raya Puasa

diamond khoo

didNOTunderstandCOMM sdn. bhd. (4444044-FU)

copywriter | creative | m - 016 303 8080 | t - 603 6777 8888 | f - fax lah

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From:
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one lessons too many?

2009-11-19T18:33:00.000-08:00

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Poooff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the stories:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

one colour, and are you colour blind?

2009-11-17T23:32:00.000-08:00

This Nazri chap wrote an article in our former colonial master’s newspaper appropriately called “The Guardian” which you can read here at

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/nov/16/malaysia-race

He is in the opinion that in my bolehland, a promise to continue a race-based affirmative action policy will only entrench racism.

With apologies, I really must correct the misconceptions and opinions he has put forth…only slightly of course. Because I’m upset, again only slightly, that this Nazry writer who is now no longer in his motherland is not unlike a dog who is biting the hand that has fed him.

THIS is what he wrote, with a little help from me to tone down his rantings:

After South Africa and Rwanda’s heroic experiences, it might be expected that every country would want its citizens to be governed racially. But Malaysia considers itself an exception. Therefore, in the United States of Malaise, because it is such a fair country who listens attentively to the native people’s demands (66% of them) its leaders will give race-based policies a renewed stamp of approval.

Last month, prime minister Nah Raise vowed to continue a popular affirmative action policy that favours the nation’s Natives (the original, 0ne hundred per cent natives who make up for slightly more than half of its population – 66% to be exact) over the Chinese and Indian minorities (who landed earlier but never mind, they are not classified as natives and, most importantly, they don’t eat Boom Mee) who account for about 26% and 8% respectively.

The New Economic Policy (NEP), which will now be re-named the No End Policy, as this racialised national programme is known, was introduced nearly four decades back to raise the Natives’ share of the nation’s wealth from a meagre 1.5% to a more equitable 30% and create a Native middle class. To this end, the government imposed racial quotas in such spheres as education and business.

The quotas resulted in civil service scholarships being granted to Natives over more deserving minority candidates, and the same could be said of government jobs. Meanwhile, businesses must meet a minimum level of 30% ownership for Natives and other indigenous people. (This will soon be revised to 70%.)

While my motherland’s Chinese and Indian minorities were at first agreeable (the suckers!), the prolonged implementation of NEP-type policies has today left them feeling that it is only fair to give a generous hand-out to their fellow citizens, after-all it has worked wonderfully for over 50 years.

Many, especially the affluent Chinese, left the country (good riddance) to seek opportunities elsewhere. The largely working-class Indians were not as fortunate.

Ironically, a sizable segment of the Native population – from the middle and working classes – also began complaining about these policies on the grounds that they benefited only a select group of well-connected Natives which is a bunch of lies and rumours largely spread by ungrateful bloggers led by a fellow they call RPK. Some, like this Nazri writer chap must have left the country too.

Such discontent has led to the other suckers non-Natives registering their protest during last year’s general election by voting overwhelmingly for the opposition instead of the ruling coalition that comprises a hotchpotch of race-based parties headed by our Nah’s United Malaise National Organisation (UmNo).

Although we still won the polls, it took a severe hammering – losing our two-thirds parliamentary majority and the control of five states. But only temporarily, we will be...lying... laying new plans to deceive, I mean win the people in the next election. We already stole...won back one state legally.

Little wonder that UmNo which fashions itself as a party championing Native rights since its inception in 1946 has now decided to tone down (but only temporarily) its racial policies through a slew of reforms this year. Among others, it launched the “1Malaysia” concept (which is very different from the Malaysian Malaysia concept) to unite the nation’s racially-fractured citizens.

[Plan B: If they don't unite, we will force them to, but more of that later.]

The Crime Minister also announced that a merit-based scholarship open to all races will be introduced next year.

Or in 2011.

Or in 2012, when it’s nearer the elections.

While many analysts are quick to proclaim that UmNo is now a transformed political entity, evidence that it has moved past racialism is sparse. For one thing, the tenets of “1Malaysia” are still nebulous at this juncture.

[Note to self: round up all the "many" analysts for a cup of tea soonest; book 14th floor interview room.]

Yet the most telling sign could be gleaned from the rhetoric of its up-and-coming politician Khairy Jamaluddin who wants the party to discard its ideology of “Native dominance” for “Naive Native leadership”. Herein lies the crux of the problem. The pith of the “Native leadership” ideal is no different from “Native dominance” – Natives are to reign supreme over other races. In its basest form, “Malay leadership” resonates of the “Hutu Power” ideology in Rwanda and the white supremacist slant of South Africa’s apartheid where one race dominates over others.

[what no difference? we lead, the other suckers follow...earlier, we hold up butter knife, they all bow down]

Instead of eradicating the country’s decades-long racialism, its ruling elites look set to entrench it further into the system by making it subtle.

Subtle is effective. Apparently, this has been most successful as our Most Distinguished Honourable Crime Minister’s ratings have shot up. This has nothing to do with our Public Relations agency’s advice or strategies or propoganda.

The 20-million Ringgit retainer fee is also a wild rumour spread by pesky bloggers who have nothing better to do. Most of them are housewives who never listen to important Main Stream Media news that we spew and spin for them anyway, so they know absolutely nothing.

In fact they are all colour blind, whatever that means. There is only one colour – and it’s not…

*ring* ring*

Damn. Always he must call when I’m about to reveal the juiciest bit…

OK. Like I said: 1 colour rules. And I need another 100 years.

BTW, thanks a billion, suckers.

one tear, one gas

2009-11-13T07:01:00.000-08:00

Guess what? This week, a lot of bloggers have made me slightly upset.

The first one was this gas bag of a lady who wrote that there is a better way of blowing off 89,000 dollars on tear gas.

From what she grumbled and made ungrateful noises, I have deduced that she has no idea whatsoever about what it takes to run a country, this beloved nation of mine. This United States of Malaise.

89,000 dollars is quite an amount I know. But it is pittance. Pittance I say. Why, a basic laptop already costs roughly 42,000 big ones you know.

Back to that tear gas incident, doesn’t she realise that I have to show who is in charge? Elementary, you know, it’s Political Science 101. Govern through fear. Wealth through greed. Porn via sex. But we will get to that later.

What is important is to do the math. And economics. You see, to keep the economics moving we have to keep it, well, moving. Let me simplify that, if you don’t spend, how are you going to buy more stuff to spend some more on? It’s like this, if you don’t have a war, how are you going to keep them weapon factories going? But we will get to that later.

What is even more important is *sigh* we must keep my, I mean our people gainfully employed. I don’t want my, I mean our overseas, I mean local tear gas producing factory grind to a stop, do I? It is just so morally wrong. In the bigger scheme of things, it is always legally right to keep people happy. I owe them that. Really.

Which brings me to this other block head. This steady fellow. He thinks there’s a conspiracy going. That we have reverted to our native language to teach Math and Science because we want to keep them, ah, mentally challenged. The true objective is to have them proficient in their mother tongue. And to protect them from communicating with bad, bad foreign people. To protect them from themselves.

Truth be told, I myself have sacrificed by sending my children overseas to be taught this useless language called “English”. My poor, poor children will then have to deal with these bad, bad foreign people. Unfortunately too, now that they know this evil language, they will have to govern those (yes, the fortunate native people) who are not so unfortunate as to learn this English. Yes, you do follow don’t you?

Better be ignorant and let us, that is my people, suffer. If I can count the tears I have shed, I and my cronies, I mean colonies, sorry coolies, oh whatever…you won’t want to be me: The One.

Sometimes, I (and soon my dynasty) have to leave my country, which is also yours, in name only of course. But more of that later.

Now where was I? Yes, travel. Very boring. Once a month, I even have to make an inconvenient detour to Switzerland to check on my…ummm, more of that later.

And then this mother of a blogger started complaining about that Peenut island’s second bridge. Who, I want to know, tell them those lies, lies, lies? One day when I get really upset, I’m going to ask some one to throw that fellow out of a window. Preferably very high up. Maybe like 14 stories up.

Oh, I have done that already.

Well, we will double it then. 28 stories.

Oh, oh I know. I will blow him up ~ starting with that wordsmith chick. Oh, I have done that already? I know, I’ll invite my darling wife to watch. Oh, I have done that already? Anyway, let’s move on to that Port Crank Free Zone…

*Ring* *Ring*

Excuse me a minute, a call from Mister Mad Hatter, my Kung Fool Si Fu.

Apparently, I have to…er…err…gee whizz, is that the time already? I have not even looked into the procurement of rubber bullets yet.

Until the next time, my beloved people and esteemed bloggers, that is until I get slightly upset again, I remain, yours sincerely: The One.

one joss stick, one big fat burning memory

2009-11-12T21:15:00.001-08:00

I did try to forget all about it. About how violently I got converted to a different religion. So, I will not write about it. Too painful.

But I met this genius, sorry, precious yet sweet idiot, who nagged and nagged me to testify.

*sigh*

So, by a round-about way I shall reveal it. 178 posts and 9 pages to read.

HERE WAS MY FIRST SALVO: Unlike most of you folks I was not born into a Christian environment/culture. I was born into a Buddhist family in an Islamic country (Malaysia ~ we do have "freedom" of religion. But no churches and temples are allowed to be built after 1957, our independence from the British colonists). And I was baptised in the Holy Spirit very late in life (49 years old).

Truly I tell you, before then I would bolt when I so much as sniff an evangelizing machine heading my way.

After reading all your posts... well, interesting. And IMHO, I believe it's still much, much easier to be an atheist or agnostic or god-less.

Harder to tell true Christians from the fanatics, Mormons, Jehovah witnesses. Roman Catholics... ahhhh, still not sure about them. And so many denominations. What gives?

You can torture yourself by reading the rest here:

http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?/topic/3938-easier-to-be-an-ex-c/

LAST PAGE:

http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?/topic/3938-easier-to-be-an-ex-c/page__st__160

I did read the last page. Golly gee, October 2005 - that long ago!

Halleluyah really. I'm still walking my faith. Officially baptised (in 2006). And still yoked to Jesus.

So, really, this mws chick, kum siah, tanky you hah...for digging up all the worms.

stop pussy footing around . . . you pussy

2009-11-06T03:55:00.001-08:00

To pussyfoot around the question or point means to be evasive, cautious, or conceal one’s opinions. The reference is to the careful soft tread of the cat and has no vulgar implications, other than obvious ties to weakness, which “pussy” sometimes connotes.

BUT before we get to that…

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, puss was used as a “call-name” for cats in both German and English, but pussy was used in English more as a synonym for “cat”: compare “pussycat”. In addition to cats, the word was also used for rabbits and hares as well as a humorous name for tigers. In the 19th century, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, the meaning was extended “in childish speech, applied to anything soft and furry”, as in Pussy Willow. In thieves’ slang, it meant “fur coat”.

AND now to the real deal…

some pussies: being honest
Genitalia
The word “pussy” often refers to the female genitalia. Used in conjunction with “some”, the phrase some pussy refers to sexual intercourse itself. Most dictionaries mark the anatomical meaning as “vulgar” or “offensive” and its use is frowned upon in polite company.

The German form is cognate (Fotze; compare “Puss-y” to “Fotz-e” [in the style of Futs-sy]), and the (vulgar) French term “chatte” (literally a female cat) is analogous.

Weakness
The meaning “weak or cowardly person” has a separate etymology. Websters 1913 Revised Unabridged Dictionary lists this version of pussy as an alternate spelling of “pursy”, an otherwise obsolete English word meaning “fat and short-breathed; fat, short, and thick; swelled with pampering …”The interpretation is often misconstrued, as it contains multiple meanings which some consider derogatory. In fact, when pussy appears in the earlier 1828 edition of the dictionary, this definition is presented for the word, while the older pursy is simply offered as a “corrupt orthography”.

Pursy (pronounced with a short u, and with the r slurred or silent) was in turn derived from an Old French word variously spelled pourcif, poulsif, poussif, meaning “to push, thrust, or heave”. In this sense, it is cognate with the modern French verb pousser, also meaning “to push”.

The word pussy can also be used in a derogatory sense to refer to a male who is not considered sufficiently masculine (see Gender role). When used in this sense, it carries the implication of being easily fatigued, weak or cowardly.

Men dominated by women (particularly their partners or spouses and at one time referred to as ‘Hen-pecked’) can be referred to as pussy-whipped (or simply whipped in slightly more polite society or media).

It is a well-known fact that Bolehland politicians are experts in pussy footing around while secretly banging pussies. This phenomenon has been going on for more than 50 years…because all the people who voted them in have been pussy-whipped until they are now wet pussies.

Unless. . .*dramatic music* *credit rolls up* catch the conclusion in 18 months’ time in the next General Election.

IF you cunt wait, you can get more pussy at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pussy

Or you want this?

think being a busy-body, I must share with you all! Look how good am I

spotted a hot copywriter lately?

2009-11-05T22:02:00.000-08:00

My sifu, a very senior copywriter in a very international advertising agency, boasted to me that he had an ample choice of first-class English copywriters to choose from. He further bragged that it is because Dr. Mat had been so fore-sighted and this is the shining result.

It is also in the spirit of 1Malaysia. It is so glorious, tears are running down my face. Here then, for your reading pleasure, gentle reader, is an exemplary application letter:

Dear sir/madam,

Regarding on the matter above, I would like to emphasize myself towards writing and design as I have learnt and majored a Diploma in Advertising, Copywriting and Graphic Design Technology, from LimWhat’sThat* University Of Creative Technology. I have graduated this year Feb 2008 and worked in 3 companies as in the name of experience, and 3 years of working experience indeed.

Currently, I believe writing and design is the substantial structure for development in any sort of progressing career. My experience in copywriting and writing with graphic design in various fields of titles and subjects are to be pronounced my strength.

Besides skills and my grammatical supervision , I have gained knowledge in varieties of aspects and should determine my fluency when I communicate as a writer and designer in person.

Sincere to my imaginations and passion, ever since art and words were introduced in my dictionary, pages of it were remained still until today, shaping me for who I am. As for me my ability to see in words and arts lies and inducts diplomatic illusions of nature, thus today, words are our only source of communication, my only visionary of passion.

Here, my pal Marc T says: yea la… I was laughing so bad I nearly peed myself.

Yeah, writers pee on cue. But, let’s not waste time, we must continue with this aspiring copywriter’s humble achievements and capabilities:

Achievements I have made through out my college days and in work denotes the capability that I believe , there still holding to my philosophy. I have written and designed brochures for my 1st company on education and articles of my own , articles for magazines on the epitome of Art and Design, Scripts, Commercials, Organisations like The Rotary Clubs, Science and Technology.

In University, I have written story boards, advertisements, copywriting as the main base of my stand and designs. Introducing my own perceptions towards life and war, life and man kind and life under a roof.

With the 2nd company, I was mainly spotted designing art works and conceptual variations. I have proof read many of the copies before it was sent to the client. It was a practical task to be filled with determination and subjective reviews upon what was to come.

Marc T says: MCH**…. I nearly choked as I was reading this..nia ma… is this the standard of people that are coming out of Malaysian education institutions nowadays? I wanted to poke my eyes out…ermm… how do we term this ar?…illusions of grandeur ar?

so i says: no. . . just awesome england la. . .u no taste la u. . .

Marc T says: hahahaha please enlighten me after lunch great one…

I missed lunch to post this because it suddenly dawned on me. Niamah, now, I know why Miss P Khoo gave up her teaching career.

Can lose hair.

Can vomit blood.

But, not scared, I see it as a very positive development. Like this hor, I can still scratch a living, stringing a few words together until, until…ummm…at least 70…no 80…well, at least until these dudes improve their grammatical supervision skills and achieve their epitome under a proper roof.

Damn, this beats thinking about pussies.

*Name changed to protect identity

**Mah Cau Hai (my smelly pussy)

: if your application letter like the one above, i hire you

one lady, one malaysia f one

2009-11-05T01:17:00.000-08:00

Woo hoo. I mean, yeah baby.

THIS morning, found out, belatedly that Miss, i mean Lahtuk, Michelle Yeoh is now Mrs. Todt who is going to be the new President (the toad, not the lah-toad) of the Body governing F One ~ the international super duper one-seater car race. Well, they had secretly married last week already but today, only officially reported.

IF you go to this link, you can see that our ex-Bond girl’s second marriage, has upset (slightly) a few people:

http://www.yelp.com/topic/chicago-wtf-michelle-yeoh-s-married-to-this-ugly-f-ck

It could be because he looks like this:

hey, Michelle, nice branded hand bag u got there

BUT, what i really want to bitch about is F One. You see, Honda has already pulled out. Next year, Toyota and BMW will be missing. And Malaysia, through Lotus-Proton, is throwing in their errr.. expertise. An all-Malaysian team no less. And a promise of winning “some thing” within 3 years. Okay, they wanna win one race. What the fuck. When Renault and Ferrari pull out, sooner or later, what will a win mean? Oh OK u will beat the Brawn team, this year’s beeeg winner.

*feeble clap*

*yawn*

Over the last eight seasons, Toyota have scored three pole positions, three fastest laps, 13 podiums and 278.5 points, though never that elusive win. Hallo, it’s da frigging mighty Toyota. 8 years, no win. And Malaysia, on a Cosworth engine, aspires to win within 3. Boleh, boleh, boleh.

So, all is good, but lagi boleh, we have the first lady of F one married to a F face okaaaaaaaaaaay?

This is, of course, all in line with the spirit of one Malaysia.

So, what is my point? Uh…you need one? I don’t have wor.

So how?

one place for every one in one malaysia

2009-10-30T02:14:00.001-07:00

ONE MEMO

To: Every one

From: One

Yeah baby. I mean, saudara, saudari, ah pek, ah moi, bangla, bangli, eurasian, eurasiani, lain lain and every one else still waiting to be officially classified, I sincerely would like to seek your idea(s) and suggestion(s).

Correct me if I'm wrong but there is only one place for you here in Malaysia, right? Really (if you disagree, I can invite you for tea to discuss your disagreement, really).

Apologies for my little outburst, but what you fooking Rakyat want lah? Didn't we sign one agreement before we got rid of them Brit masters?

Allow me to remind you: fortunately or unfortunately, how you get your one place depends on which golden pussy you pop out from. A bit crude I know, but why call a spade a spade? A shovel can also do its job. However, I digress.

Now where was I? Yes, if you saw your first light as a rural native. Congratulations. Nothing can be more wonderful. You will be the one majority. You will, from the day you were born, only need to learn and speak the one native language. And to help you live one long, happy life you need not leave where you so luckily crawled out from, you can just stay in your one enclosure. I mean your one comfy kampung. If you still want to leave, you can join the royal navy (see below for other possible careers). And also one time to perform the Haj of course. But there is no need to learn about the outside world or any other un-important language (but do try not to talk to strangers on the way to Mecca). So other than that little inconvenience of having to travel once in your life-time, you'll be fine.

Your urban native brothers, unlucky people like me, will take care of you for life. Yes, your one life which is so valued by me, us, yeah the one. Hey bro and that also means you sista, who needs to learn the wicked ways of the bad, bad world anyway? You know: unsavoury activities like family planning; avoiding incurable diseases; drinking funny yellow-coloured liquids that will get you high and generally how other people live or enjoy life. Yeah, unsavoury indeed.

You can be entertained by a fulfilling career instead. Here are some possible careers you are allowed to join: important and powerful role in royal police or army or navy or air force or fire brigade; education (strictly rural of course, choice of being a school or religious teacher); industrial (assembling cars or any other important bits and bobs needed to put Malaysia on the world map as a world-class export nation but you'll need to travel); farming and fishing.

Dear every one, a bit of insightful advice: do not...ever... get into politics. You will only get wealthy and powerful. Owning acres of land, living in gigantic palace-like homes, being driven every where in luxurious cars, partying every day, buying any toy you want and, even more inconvenient, people bending backwards and forwards trying to please your every little whim. Well, I tell you it can be terribly, terribly stressful. It makes you giddy with self importance. There's more: you even get to control, I mean own, I mean lead, a lot people, including rural natives. You see? Full of stress being a hero. But somebody has to do it so yeah, you precious people, especially the rural natives, although it's not easy for me: do not stop worshipping me.

Because.

Because, the one always gives back. After consulting with my other ones, I have allowed you to enjoy much, much more useful entertainment (unlike those stated above). But before I tell you what they are, let me share with you why you are not allowed this forbidden so-called pleasure. It is because if you become an urban native like me, the one and my other ones, you will have to do all the dirty work like taking care of every one.

That job is not for every one. Oh no. You will have to cheat, lie, and worst of all you will have to learn another language. This evil, highly useless language, which is now the most widely used one in the world, will open up your mind. You will learn about government systems; about other countries' success or why some fail; you will get to communicate with other people. You will acquire knowledge, *gulp* even critical thinking. Or form your own opinion. I think one has said enough.

One would like the rural native to be one minded and just stay in one place. But, here is the good news:

You will have many other more entertaining activities to pass the time while nation-building: Pray, pray, pray, pray and pray; plant fruit trees; ban this, ban that, just ban lah; listen to the radio; grow vegetables; ride bicycles; rear chickens; climb coconut trees; produce more rural natives (now that could be fun); go fishing when not fishing for your living; read Utusan or is it Berita Harian, the 1 or two newspapers; watch TV1. Yes, you can install Astro, or watch the other decadent channels but for your own good, these will be blocked (for your own good you understand) soon.

Aaah, and don't forget to vote me, the one, into power every 5 years. The previous one had your support for 22 years. Now it's my turn you hear? I mean, please lah at least 10 years. I gave you one Malaysia you know. So easy, you forget.

AND, for the rest of you, you know where you belong. Every one has a place and there's one place for every one. So, git your fat pendatang arse to where you belong.

Or else. Or else what you ask me? Me, the one?

Well, the majority of the rural natives are under the control of the one urban native (and you know some one like me is more equal than the other ones). So...if you don't get back, but more importantly, know your place. . .guess who controls the fire brigade, not forgetting the police, army, navy and air force?

Yeah baby. We, me, the one, the original, 100% genuine Tuan Tanah natives will beat you into a !@#$%^& pulp, soak this crooked butter knife in tomato sauce which really means: can't you see I'm just persuading you to be "reasonable" to stop disturbing the peace?

Ah, you think there's a tiniest bit of light at the end of the tunnel? There's another one on the rise? Oi dey, semua OK, they don't know how to be one yet. And *hysterical laugh* they have no common ground. One wants to be secular, the other, thank God, wants to be religion-led, whatever that is.

So children, remember your place. You take care of your place and I will take care of my one Malaysia.

Thank you kindly for listening.

60 reaSONS

2009-10-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

60 Reasons It's Great To Be A Woman

Every guy who ever dumped you will die first.
You're not compelled to save the universe.
No performance anxiety ... ever. In fact, the worse you are in bed,the better your reputation.
Never have to call Sy Sperling; your forehead remains the same size forever.
Don't have to knock yourself out ... the less you do for guys, the better they treat you.
No one gives a damn what you do for a living. If a guy wants you, you could work in a slaughterhouse, for all he cares.
Never have to know where you are or where you're going; some guy will always give you directions.
You can wear dresses or pants ... no one questions your sexual preference.
No suits in summer.
Tank tops OK in restaurants.
No clearing your throat at sad movies.
He will NEVER know how many times you faked it.
Your sex drive goes off the chart after 40; younger men LOVE you.
A picture of you taken from the back never reveals a shiny spot on your head.
No ulcers. All problems resolved by girlfriends in hour over the phone. Okay, hours, who cares?
No therapy. All magazines, self-help books, Oprah, made for women.
No rubber products pulled over your genitals.
Designer outlets.
You don't have to be interesting; he only wants you to listen. Smile, nod, think about sale at Saks. Actual opinions about anything, a big turnoff to him.
Two (or three or four) orgasms to his one.
Chocolate can give you one.
Miracle Bra. No matter how little you put into one, he becomes your slave.
Short skirts. He can't stop thinking what's under them, no matter how many times he's seen it.
A really good cry.
Short means cute, not Napoleon complex; he loves being looked up to.
There is always a sale on somewhere.
Martha Stewart can't keep a guy, no matter HOW she folds a napkin.
No such thing as bad sex to guys. You can pretty much be in a coma.
Your friend asks, "How are you?" You can answer for an hour; someone will actually be listening.
Conversations with girlfriends never include numbers (78 percent, 41 million, etc.).
No endless bragging bullshit. Friends don't talks deals over tuna salad.
Plastic surgery.
No matter how small your feet are, no one ever wonders how small anything else is.
Make-up. No one ever has to know what you really look like.
Money discussed only in relation to shopping or alimony, never income or real estate.
Tuxedo rental: $10 Loehman's slipdress: $39
No proctology exams.
Nothing but pee expected in a plastic cup.
Anything you do with your mouth (besides talking) will get his attention, even if done badly.
Never feel like a failure because you didn't get to be president.
Seeing you eat a banana turns him into a blithering idiot.
No one asks you "So, who's gonna win the championship?"
No one checks out your genital size in a public restroom.
If you lose a tennis game, friends don't feel superior or think you're slipping.
No one expects you to know about or fix what's under the hood.
Affirmative Action.
No rejection. Guys do all the asking.
Power. Governments crumble over what's under your skirt. Guys risk their jobs, reputations and homes for it. The world is run on it. It's currency.
You finish dressing ... he gets the car.
Everything you do is an accomplishment. No one even expects you to be logical.
Electricity: dishwashers, microwaves, vibrators (no need for porn).
PMS Defense.
Always have company in the Ladies Room.
Never have to get your face pummeled to impress dates or friends.
No one ever says to you in bed, "It's okay, honey, it happens to everyone."
You're not compelled to bite people on the back.
Waiters always give the check to him.
No comb-overs. No rugs.
A dip in the ocean makes your interesting parts expand, not shrink.
Lorena Bobbitt.

EYES WIDE OPEN: 1Piss To Academic Success!

2009-10-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

EYES WIDE OPEN: 1Piss To Academic Success!

“Ur suppose(d) to buy things and spend time with kids.”

2009-06-25T05:32:00.000-07:00

zzzzzZZZzzzz. boring one. but what to do? on with the program. as before, RED (as in angry) text is her excellency, the Lady Princess Drama Queen TingTing. black (ya right, very appropriate. funny.) is black-hearted me. BTW, VickyVoo is just my feminine side’s name. always liked that name. hmmm.

WARNING: long-winded story ahead, with the usual nasty, un-necessary diatribe, not to mention un-savoury pictures of pussies, hamsters, kittens, frogs, dogs, red guys and what-not. fortunately for you, savoury pictures can be found at my dotter’s foody site: http://carelesslittlehamster.blogspot.com/

i repeat:

Content Warning:

The blog that you are about to read and view may contain content only suitable for adults, or people who think they are adult-thinking dudes-dudettes. In general, normal people (not me, of course) do not endorse the content like this, but this here is my weBlog, so like that lah.

I UNDERSTAND AND I WISH TO CONTINUE

I DO NOT WISH TO CONTINUE

papa: When you say my mother brainwash(ed) me, do you have proof?

me: before any thing else, one correction in english, in black my addition. hey, i know this ain’t english lesson time, but what-the-hey why not? why not? as my smart-assed dot-dot loves to scream. how time flies.

i still have this vivid picture of her (about 4 – 5 i think) happily playing in that old subang airport. can even remember her while n pink polka-dotted dress (custody of children: 10 am to 8 pm on alternate saturdays only. by order of the court). divorced fathers have all the luck, huh? sigh. like that la.

ok on to brain washing, and why single mothers have even more fun:

brain wash

Main Entry:

brain·wash·ing
Pronunciation:: \ˈbrān-ˌwȯ-shiŋ, -ˌwä-\
Function:: noun
Etymology:: translation of Chinese (Beijing) xǐnǎo
Date:: 1950

1 : a forcible indoctrination to induce someone to give up basic political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas 2 : persuasion by propaganda or salesmanship

— brain·wash transitive verb

— brainwash noun

— brain·wash·er noun

THE PROOF is in the eating of the pudding, as they say. and since you can’t eat yourself and i can’t eat you. well. . . i say:

girl, girl. sigh. my naive smart-ass dot-dot, you are the proof la. halleluyah. and 1,000, 000 hails to Jesus. your attitude, the way you talk-treat me. arrogantly, confidently spouting-balsting your anger to/on/at me.

sweet.

so if you ask me that’s mama’s grand plan of intentional poisoning-brain-washing kurang ajar. so dis-respectful to elders, n don’t give me the “respect has to be earned” crap. in the asian culture ways of doing stuff, no ifs or buts, you just have to respect yer old man, irrespective of what they have done. which could be all crap. but what do i know?

if had read my previous story, my dad was a gambler and stopped caring and bringing bread to the table since i was 15. which means, like father, like son? of course not. but what do i know?

i digress. dear ah ting, people asked me, “why your dotter like that one?” …must be brain-washed by that bitter mother of hers huh? hey, what do I know?

so you will repent?and be nice? i have forgiven my father. took a long, long time tho’. must be this christian faith i’m committed to now. but hey, yeah right, what do i know? let go and let God, i believe.

When you say I’m not your daughter, why don’t you dare do a DNA checkup?

DNA

Main Entry:

DNA
Pronunciation:: \ˌdē-ˌen-ˈā\
Function:: noun
Etymology:: deoxyribonucleic acid
Date:: 1944

: any of various nucleic acids that are usually the molecular basis of heredity, are constructed of a double helix held together by hydrogen bonds between purine and pyrimidine bases which project inward from two chains containing alternate links of deoxyribose and phosphate, and that in eukaryotes are localized chiefly in cell nuclei.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/DNA

the current certified lab test for DNA testing comes up to RM1,500 a pop, dahlink. is amount of paper money worth it? unfortunately, i have the excuse of crying “i’m poor!”. i’m now in the AKPK Debt Management Program (DMP) and i’m like, broke. may be later. but what for la?

u my biological dotter, not my biological dotter, do i really want to know? u the regular frog, i the toad, hmmm. and when i find out about the truth? what then? i’ve already invested quite a huge, giga-byte-enormous chunk of my life (and heart, yeah believe it Gothic chick) on you, not to mention 819 words just on replying this all-important, life-threatening question. but then again, why not?

alas, that would be the ultimate proof eh? okay then sport, let’s do it. but later when i can scrape together the loot. you’ll have to ask permission as well tho’. so better wait till you are 21, of age, and be able to do what you bloody like without being brain-washed to do this or that.

so, like that la.

ting2 answers: “…who you calling a slut?” “…grand daddy-o suicide”

June 25, 2009

ah. so. back to the regular program. as before, red (as in angry) text is hers. black (ya, very appropriate. funny.) is me.

WARNING: long-winded story ahead, with some nasty diatribe, not to mention yucky pictures of dogs, doggy positions and what-not.

When you call my mother a slut who sleeps with every married man, do you mean it?

slut

slut
Pronunciation:: \ˈslət\
Function:: noun
Etymology:: Middle English slutte
Date:: 15th century

1 chiefly British : a slovenly woman2 a: a promiscuous woman ; especially : prostitute b: a saucy girl : minx

— slut·tish \ˈslə-tish\ adjective

— slut·tish·ly adverb

— slut·tish·ness noun

— slut·ty \ˈslə-tē\ adjective

SOURCE = http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/slut

FORTUNATELY, your ma, did not allegedly sleep with every available man. she, however, according to an unknown source, slept with a man, committing adultery.

let me eleaborate.

some time in the 80’s, even before you came, screaming and kicking into this cruel world, i got a shocking phone call. it was her co-worker (or maybe the man’s wife). she may be jealous, envious, malicious, whatever. but she called me to inform me that if i were to ask your ma “where her handbag was” on that fateful day, she would not be able to know.

apparently, her handbag was at this man’s house. that man was her NST boss at the time. now, that’s proof eh?

but, being the young, naive, trusting idiot i was at the time i never did ask her. now, that’s foolishness, eh?

it was a seed of doubt planted, anyway. this doubt was awakened many years later when suddenly this ex-wife, your current ma, left me. YES, she abandoned me. she served me divorce papers. to add salt to the wond, it was the great depression of the asian downturn 90’s.

and i was jobless to boot. she kicked me out of the matrimonial bedroom. i was relegated to sleep in the back bedroom. you know, the one you all are renting out? ya, that miserable one.

so, every night, you, your ker ker (brother) was locked in with her in the master bedroom. sweet.

that moment of divorce date was pre-planned of course. your maternal grand dad died. and since your mah did not want to kill him with a divorce, she can now do it after he kicked the bucket. which, elegantly, brings us to the question of:

When you call my grandmother a murderer, do you mean it?

OF COURSE, i meant it. but, apparently it was not, as they say, un-intentional. ask the tua chee, your tua ee, she’ll swear on her balding head, it was INDEED un-intentional. did u also know that yr maternal grand daddy is a, DEEP BREATH, ah long? anyway, i digress.

well, the mister senior tan was like becoming a burden to the old wife you see, he had heart problems, was diabetic, but most IMPORTANTly, he was stealing time from her wife. she was totally obliged to play with her mahjong kaki (mahjong members). and, he knew it too. and he complained miserably that it’s better he committed you-know-what.

now, it so happened that un-intentionaly, a bottle of sleeping pills were placed in a drawer. but, of course, every family will swear, with hands on heart, that they know that he doesn’t know about that.

so one day, the senior tan did the nasty.

“oh no, how come he took so many sleeping pills?” on discovering it, the family member (i do not know who discovered him dead first) cries. so, like that lah. don’t know true or not also. but like that lah.

oooh, a comment

June 25, 2009

hallo there, INCOMINGGGG. little ting ting my fave dotter is a little upset. looks like it’s time to walk the talk. looks like i have to engage. red text is hers. black (ya, very appropriate. funny.) is me.

careless little hamster says:

I have questions for you.
When you say I am a whore, do you really mean it?

¹whore
Pronunciation:: \ˈhȯr, ˈhu̇r\
Function:: noun
Etymology:: Middle English hore, from Old English hōre; akin to Old Norse hōra whore, hōrr adulterer, Latin carus dear — more at charity
Date:: before 12th century

1: a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : prostitute ; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman

2: a male who engages in sexual acts for money

3: a venal or unscrupulous person

SOURCE —- http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/whore

DEAR teenager-dotter-of-mine, to answer you this question(s) i’ll have to ask you other questions. are you 1: a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : prostitute? are you a promiscuous or immoral woman? are you 2: a male who engages in sexual acts for money? are you 3: a venal or unscrupulous person?

well, now if you are not, then you are not. but a cam whore? what’s that? that’s a new term to me. cam whores revel in taking REVEALING pictures of themselves. key word is “revealing”. so my dear ah ting, you are not even a genuine cam whore chick! so like that lah.

COMMERCIAL BREAK: on my right, a self-taking-picture-taking pose of a so-called cam whore. IF you really, really want to view the real eeeauuuw, HARD stuff, you can go to gorge yourself in my nasty, perverted, dirty-old-man site at: http://kahongkhoo.blogspot.com/

death in the family {part 1}

June 25, 2009

in the year of our Lord 2009, on the eleventh of November (which happened to be my kiki, step dotter’s birthday, my dad (born jan 06, 1925) kicked the bucket.

yeah, he died. ya hah, bit the bullet.

phew.

now why phew? well, he was err..an interesting papa, to put it rather kindly. he was a passionate gambler. first, horse racing. then, 4D, 3D, ToTo, magnum (not the gun). and like all gamblers, he ran out of moolah. yes, money.

so he stopped paying upkeep money to ma. luckily i had only one other sibling. anyway, no money means err… no money. so at an important stage in my life, FORM 3, when i was about to sit for my LCE (Lower Certificate of Education) our family was afflicted with ONE LESS bread winner. bummer, right?

Well, on hindsight, well, on second thoughts, not really. but at the time, major, moher fucking catastrophe {BiG word}. Cos dear mummy had a proper job. she was a {ANOTHER BiG word} banker (yay). back then, in the 60’s it was a big deal indeed. female, and a career as a bank officer at a reputed bank. UMBC (United Malayan Banking Corporation, now defunct, taken over by Bank Bumi now CMIB, or was it RHB? hmmm) was the bank she worked in. the branch was in Campbell Street, that would be in PENANG, PEARL OF THE ORIENT.

she was very popular, my ma, not the island of penang. my ma was popularly known as “miss teh” even though she was married to a mister voo (okay, breathe, name is not real – the “voo” family name – to protect his err.. reputation, face).

COMMERCIAL BREAK: Picture above, on your right, would be my pa’s 3-day WAKE which was held in IPOH. my home town, my so-called kampung, was in penang but my parents’ friends began dropping OFF like flies and soon they only had each other to quarrel with…so they uprooted to ipoh where most of my ma’s relatives were.

at that time, my ma’s number one bro was still alive. her #1 sis had not contracted alzehmar’s disease yet.

so like that lah.

LUNCH BREAK. ahh, what to eat aah? never mind, continue with part 2.

(part 1, already 384 words, so ciong heh, long-winded, but hey this is weBlog right, and this wordpress fleh, fella, more inspiring to write in than my other site http://koodiamond.blogspot.com/)

late morning 11:50

June 25, 2009

hmmm…who shall i harass next ha? sample:“You still care about my birthday one ar? Thought you think I’m some random married man’s daughter? Since when you ever cared for anyone except yourself? ask god. He’ll tell you the same thing.”

sweet, huh? and so, amen

dotter of mine #2

June 24, 2009

the father or mother must un-load all his-her money on his-her procreation(s).

the dotter has spoken.

fine. excellent. any thing la. so be it. amen. and i quote: “Ur suppose(d) to buy things and spend time with kids.”

hello amber

June 24, 2009

wannabe amber-ly and amber the chia

13 June 2009 14:29

“…Eleh. You? Poor? Very funny. Anything la. Ur a dad what. Ur suppose to buy things and spend time with kids.”